my kids went off today to be with xw for the next 10 days. I am so scared when they come back how they will have been brainwashed by their mother that om is just perfect, she's never been happier, and all that bs. i have so much anger to her and him. i want to ruin this guys reputation so badly. our first encounter i predict wont be easy. whats the over/under on their relationship?
Tostada, I worry that the anger might be running your life too much right now. It might be worthwhile for you to go see a counselor so as to get some coping strategies on how to get over the anger.
Dont worry about the over/under of their relationship. It may work out, and if it does, you need to not be waiting around indefinitely for it to fail. My mother is still with the man she had an affair with that broke apart my parents marriage and it is over 30 years. My father did not dwell on it too much although he did refer to OM around my brother and I as "Fat Boy".
Maybe she will be happier and it may not be such a bad thing for the kids to have a happy mother. Your concern is for when they are with you that they have a happy go lucky father.
Please try to work out some of your issues regarding your anger. Getting rid of the hostility about the terrible breakup of your family will be best in the long run.
Have to agree with Kerry, T. You should be on jeopardy asking Alex for "things i don't give a sh!t about for $500 please".... Let them do their thing...being pissed won't change anything in their life...it will change yours though. Especiially if your kids see their father hurt. Believe me, kids notice everything...so as much as this hurts, do not bad mouth the xw, try to be "nice" with her when the kids are around. This is the biggest gift you can give them right now T. Sorry you are going through this but for what it's worth, you are not alone...both Kerry and I have been there. Move on amigo....move on...
i just have so many feelings. i am really bummed by the news and their poor decisions and for them to allow this to happen. it makes me angry at the OM for sure for what he's putting me and my kids through, as well as his w and kids. im angry at xw for this stupidity. unfortunately, i cant get to the 'i dont give a sh!t' category until I get through the 'i give a sh!t' category.
i found this article that was rather interesting on this subject. it really rings true to what my discussion was with her. they are in their own little reality, that will soon become a difficult reality.
Good article written by someone that experienced an affair with a married person. Of course, if your X were to read that, she would still be in denial.
T, You can't force yourself to "move on" no matter what anyone says esp. if you highly value marriage and family. And the betrayal does hurt but on the other hand it shows the W's true colors and might set you free from holding out for her and make you shine brighter in the darkness. The example she sets for the kids is indeed damaging and hurtful and the total destruction is unmeasurable. Children of divorce are more likely to divorce in general. People's value systems are so different. I periodically get taken by surprise and even get annoyed by some of the stupid insensitive advice and remarks from well-meaning people. If you were more easy-peasy or loosy-goosy you'd have dated, had free sex and "moved on" a long time ago and played double jeopardy for "I don't give a sh!t for $500" , but it may take you a while to recover so take it one day at a time.
Hey FB2 sorry this well meaning guy has annoyed you.....as far as the "total destruction" is concerned, I think T can either add to it by showing his frustration or downplaying the whole situation in front of his kids. T, you and I have been posting to each other for a while and our writing "styles" have usually been "in your face". I really hope i did not come across as insensitive to you. If I did, i apologize T.
I am doing better today. I have done a lot of reading regarding affairs and married people. It makes me realize how wrapped up they are, how selfish they are, and its extremely unlikely this type of relationship could last. I find comfort in believing that this was the start to everything 'wrong' in our relationship. I remember hearing 'we are too different', 'we dont have enough in common', 'we dont communcate', 'were not best friends' those types of things. Then when w and I talked the other day, those were all the positives in OM...So to me, everything and every excuse she had that our 'marriage was terrible', I find false because she had this OM on her mind. I wasnt perfect, he was, so everything about me had to be wrong.
So...knowing this is very unlikely to fail, I really expect her to crash and burn big time. when that happens, will she realize her mistake and the damage she caused? I dont know. My hunch is she will. Would I take her back if she came asking? I dont know that either. I feel crazy because my hunch is yes, with certain circumstances. I certainly dont want to go through this again. So..I guess i'm looking at this with some sort of optimism as weird as that can be.
No problem John, nothing personal intended so I'm not annoyed with you at all. I think you've done very well to rise above the dirt hopefully T will in good time too, when he realized its not his fault and there's nothing he can do about it.
One thing that does still bother me tho' with downplaying these situations is that the kids invariable grow to believe that what the W is doing is just fine. And they will likely repeat the behavior in their lives. I'm sure their little minds are tortured.
