H has just been over. It went ok. I tried my best to be happy/upbeat and we even joked around some. We were going to grab a quick meal somewhere but then he suggested we pick something up at the supermarket and take it back to the house to cook so I agreed.
He brought up money, he has been paying for everything still since it has all been in his name but asked me 2 weeks ago if i could pay some towards rent/bills and wanted to agree on an amount. I don't want to pay anything, not that I said that. But I guess the request may be reasonable ?? I don't know!
He asked me if I had spoken to any of our friends (long term friends that don't live near us) and I said no. (last time we talked about this he told me they had said to him they didnt know if they should talk to me or not and felt awkward) He kept saying 'MY' friends this and that and stated they were 'his' friends. so I guess he's changed his mind. who knows.
There was a little R talk so I was able to say a couple things about my own responsibility in the situation and understanding/validating him/ his feelings. He stopped me and just said I had done nothing wrong and not to change anything bc none of this is my fault. But that he appreciates me telling him. I also made it clear that this is not what i want but i understand what he has said. so really that is the last im going to say about anything now. He did say he didn't feel ready to talk about 'this' that he didn't think it had been enough time. and that he felt awkward when he came over bc he once was so comfortable in the house but now its 'my' house so he doesn't know how to be.
He still doesn't really look at me when he is talking, just straight ahead/at tv/wall etc. He said before (the last few yrs) he would end up getting fed up with me/us as things/problems built up and then i would go away (i come from a long way away so would often go visit for a month or more, especially while still studying for degree bc of school breaks) and in that time he would really miss me so knew he wanted me to come back. but that its not right to be like that. and that its not normal.
He had lots of things he was talking about that he had done, gone to or was thinking of doing. Each outing he described felt like a kick in the stomach. He does ask some about me and what i've been doing and asks who with, etc.
I told him he has the number where ill be if he would like to talk to me while im away and he said ok, and he said be sure to check my email while im away.
*sigh*
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
