Cher said I should make sure I look gorgeous tonight..
Hi Ali, howabout hoping he looks gorgeous and makes an effort. Afterall it is him that needs to win you back for friendship or whatever level. By all means dress nicely for you etc, but you are not some prize in a raffle that he gets just b/c he called around to sign some papers and gave you a hug and possibly just split with Helen.. I would be mad as h888 if he told me him and Helen had just broke up. Makes you look like the 2nd prize. I agree with? he needs to sort himself out alone first before he gets involved again. The meeting up is a group thing isn't it? not him asking/taking just you out, so just be casual and see what happens. Don't be a soft touch and sell yourself short. If he is always going to be depressed you have got plenty of time to settle for a life of his moodswings and misery,if that is truly who you love and want. Just don't go thinking he will be diferent with you and change. Take care of you.
ps any chance he heard about xx b/f and you? I guess you told Cher who told b/f and so it goes...
Ha.. Naej, you've said stuff like this before, but pride comes before a fall!! We first got together 12 HOURS after we split with our respective partners in 1999 (not planned). I didnt mind one jot that he had broken up with his gf the night before and he didnt care that my ex had left me that day either. It doesnt matter.. not when you love someone. From that moment, the past faded away...
If they have just broken up, its been on the cards since about November at least anyway...it just took him a while to do it! And if she has dumped him, its probably because he deliberately gave her no choice, to get rid of her and let her feel she decided, not wanting to be the bad guy and because they work together.
I always dress up nice anyway.. and I would want to create a good impression in front of all his friends.
I am in NO WAY the 2nd prize and never was, nor am I remotely angry! Helen is and was, nothing, sadly for her. I'm not even mad at him for the stuff he did with her, as my wise ole Mum said last night, shes not the issue, you are hurt because of how he has treated YOU lately..not phoning/seeing me enough.
I dont think being with a person who suffers depression classes as "settling" - depression is an illness and depressed people are still lovable (in my experience)... and as my Mum also rightly said, he NEVER took it out on me, if he was low, he never ever shouted at me and was never ever in a bad mood with me (seriously!). Of course, he took it out on me ultimately, by walking out.. but his admission yesterday that this is him, for the rest of his life, tells me that he has learnt and realised that I was not the problem and that externalising his unhappiness was no solution, that HE is the problem, I wasnt the cause of his unhappiness.
Oh and he never ever had moodswings. He has like a 100 mates and is univerally loved and popular, because he is so sweet and easy going and very funny. He is the opposite of a moody person !! He just gets sad sometimes, or apathetic, but never moody.
No, I didnt lay it onto Cher about the ex ex (who shall now be known as The Piscean!).. I didnt want to play with fire. I'm gonna email him though... cant harm to keep a little 'get out of jail card' up my sleeve hey?
So apparently my ex was fibbing.. Cher told me today that he knows full well that her and G are meeting him in town.. so as he asked me along with her.. we are basicallly all meeting up! So its on.. no more, will we/wont we band night scenarios, its actually happening this time !!! Should be fun.
Oh and I posted a pic of The Piscean on FB.. c'mon Neaj when you gonna join ? (you too T, if you're having a sneaky read). So.. there are 8 of us going out tonight now ! Wow.
Yes, I dont know what to wear tonight!! I have a couple of tops, but I am also aching and have a sore throat, so am coming down with sommat and have bags under my eyes!! Oh well, although he told me several times last night that he is trying to drink less and not to drink at all in the week (which is great) he did admit tonight might be a boozy one, so he will probs be too drunk to notice what I look like !
this is all very exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't wait to hear what happens next!!!
don't worry about feeling underwhelmed/guarded. from everything i've read on the boards, that's normal. Also a friend of mine in RL is moving verrrry slowly toward reconciliation and her feelings are very similar. We expect pyrotechnics and instead it's like the light starts flickering on a little.
If I were in your shoes I would probably be having similar thoughts of "If we got back together it would solve all my financial problems." But I would be REALLY cautious about moving fast. I am FULLY AWARE that you guys got together very fast (after a slow burn friendship if I remember correctly). But from EVERYTHING I've heard and read, jumping back into a full fledged live in R is a recipe for disaster. Usually one or both partners freaks out and runs away and then you are back to zero. Take it slow and reap the benefits. I know you can be patient.
Ali, have a great time tonight, as ever I feel you jump to quickly to make excuses for him, but thats just me and Maria I think. It's not pride but self respect and it wasn't me who first suggested that he needs time alone before you possibly get back together it was Michelle
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IF he did end it with Helen, he needs to mourn and be okay on his own. He needs to realize he is complete on his own, and choose to come back to you cuz he wants to, not out of loneliness.
Yes you got together within hours of dumping/leaving relationships but that was then, this is now and it's not the first time on this merry go round. Someone pointed out awhile ago how your mood changes rapidly after some contact with the x. I think you denied it-lol but I worry about you getting burnt. I wasn't suggesting you didn't look nice I made a point of saying do it for you. I have suffered from severe depression and I know I was not easy to live with, so you are extremely lucky that he has a depression that affects no one but him, I'm sure many on the bb would love to live with someone that has his type of depression.
I really hope you have a great night and things go as you wish/hope for. I laughed that you had an ace up your sleeve-you impulsive girl! I can't believe that you didn't tell Cher about the Picean and if that's true I wonder why when you tell her everything else,not like you to keep a secret. Anyway Petal,I feel like your mother here, have fun, be good and take care of your heart.
Not quite yet Rob! Well the throat is worse Michelle.. but I wont be able to NOT drink.. Cher makes me drink my own body weight in vodka whenever I see her out, ha.. good job I dont weigh much!
Neaj, the pride bit was about the "2nd prize" comment.. I'm 1st prize of course, but not too proud to 'try again', with either ex! And no.. I am NOT honest with Cher! Not like I am my BFFs, she is 12 years younger than me, so she has a different perspective and also, I know how indiscreet her and G are, so I have always had to be super careful how I say things to her and what I tell her.. but.. we have become very good friends. Still, I am sensible about what I tell her, thats for sure.
As for my ex.. of course it affects his R's with people, but he is a classic mask wearer.. so even his own Mum didnt know he was depressed until recently !!! He's a Leo too, so very much 'putting on a show'.. he used to say that only I knew the real him and I had the perfect phrase for him "tears of a clown".
My mood hasnt really been affected by seeing him.. I'm still feeling pretty underwhelmed! Thanks T for explaining that that is normal then.. phew ! Yes, he has ALOT of bridges to mend with me so no way am I jumping back into anything with him. My Mum said maybe you will both stay over at Chers? I said, no way Mum, I dont think I need to be THAT available !!!
Looking forward to seeing G and asking him a) whats the sitch with ex and Helen and b) WTF's going on with Cher.. cos I am basically a nosey person !
So I am out overnight and off in a bit.. think there could be some drama.. Cher said she is in danger of ending it with G, ex's brother winds everyone up and who knows if Helen will come looking for him and create a scene !?? Ha.. As for me, I feel confused and apathetic about it all !! So, let you all know tommorow.
