I'm doing OK, not great, not even good, but OK. I have bad days and worse days, but at least I can say that I'm not backsliding like I had been. Every day that goes by, I feel a little more numb and a little more detached. I'm making the most of the time I spend with my kids, but it's so difficult seeing them putting on a brave face for such a lousy situation they have been put in.
I've got a fun week planned for their next school vacation, starting with a Red Sox game, and then a trip to NYC - their first time there. I'm also trying like heck to GAL, but I still feel like I'm just faking it, stuck on hold, waiting for my life to resume.
I have stopped pursuing, and all that has done is eliminate just about all communication with W.
I'm so confused - I don't know whether I'm acting as-if, faking it till I make it, standing for my marriage, or living in denial. I am praying a lot, and trying to turn it over to God, but don't know if I truly have. I don't know much anything right now, except that I'm just taking it one day at a time.
