hello..I have been on the boards for too long. I was D'd at the end of 2008. I was separated for about 9 months up to that point. My situation has only been going on since Aug 07.
I am writing in this section because of the news I found out this week. I always suspected my W of having another M. She confirmed it on xmas eve '07 when she said she had a crush on him and wanted to be with him. She never admitted anything physical. I had also seen emails etc in Aug 07 making me very suspicious. These messages were 'i really miss you', 'i dont care about tostada', stuff like that. She assured me in the spring of '08 that OM was out of the picture, they werent friends, he didnt want to risk his marriage, etc.
So, last week, i get a call from a friend. OM W had called his W and said that OM emailed her stating he wanted a divorce. OM W had heard rumors her H was having an affair with my W. I also have confirmed through another mutual friend that OMW wanted information regarding this affair.
W was at my house the other day to talk to my kids. She confirmed that she is in love with this guy, he is so perfect for her, they have so much in common, they are best friends, they communcate so well, etc. She also told me that OM W is taking it really well and that I'm not as mature as she is.
To me, he's lying to OM and my W.
I have been very upset about this news. Its devastating to know she was lying to me the entire time about this. I feel so betrayed. However, in some sense, it makes me feel better. I know the reason. And, I know that all the crap she said was wrong with our marriage is likely false. This guy had her attention and everything about me had to be wrong.
All the research I have done on married affairs is that they are very unlikely to last. My hunch is my W will crash and burn and hit bottom big time when this is over. I think she may realize all the hurt and destruction she caused for her premier selfishness.
I am still participating on the board because I love my W. She has really hurt me, but I do love her. I hope she wakes up from this fantasy and I get to decide what I want to do next. I dont know that decision right now, but I hope I get to make it.
Sorry to hear all that. I'm sure that the OM is stringing your wife along. He probably has no intention of giving up either relationship. I'm sure she can sense that she only has part of him...that's what is so attractive. On the other hand, you are still just so easy to get that it is unattractive. How about switching things up a bit...get yourself out there. At least look at other women. You might find over time that your wife isn't all that and a bag of chips. And she'll know when you aren't pining away any more and it may appear more attractive to her.
I'm curious...how is it that your ex-wife is able to have such a relationship talk with you? Why would you even go there? Cut off any talks like that.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
First of all, I want to say I really feel your pain. This is so difficult--I know how it feels to love someone who's not loving you back. I think Phoenixdeux makes some good points about what's attractive about the OM. At this point, you've really got to find a way to move on with your life. Very hard, I know, but it must be done. You may or may not ever get your W back, but you can't just sit around waiting forever. She's made her decision, now it's time for you to make yours. Her affair will more than likely explode in her face. Let's face it, you have two adulterers getting together--how do you think that will turn out? They don't have a chance in hell at lasting. That's the truth and I can say that with confidence. They are creating a relationship that is completely outside of the blessings of God, so it will not last. Have confidence in that. I just don't know if your W deserves you back when she comes to her senses.
