H46, W44, S/D (both <10). Bomb 2/13/09. In-house separation 2/13/09. Panic 2/13/09. Found _DB_ on/about 2/24/09. Started DB'ing o/a 2/26/09. WAW moving out mid-June 09. Talking up her new house search; talking up separating finances; talking up division of child-care duties. Possible/probable OM (Electronic Version) in Upstate City, about 6 hours' driving from here. Switch clicked over a few days ago, and SP is now in full-bore "as if" mode. SP/WAW have had 2 group outings w/ kids, each of which precipitated a WAW-instigated R talk. Outing planned for next week, just the 2 of us. SP consults w/ DB Coaches x 5 times, 2 remaining under current contract. SP GAL'ing like a banshee: dance lessons, tennis lessons, yoga lessons, many collegial lunches, 2 trips planned, reclaiming former hobby, new clothes & hair. Trying to cheerfully project Total Acceptance / loving detachment.
So there I am. WAW is very confused by SP's attitude -- angry WAW BFF (and Enabling Girlfried) calls house to speak w/ WAW; before WAW comes to phone angry BFF says, "why are you f*cking w/ her so much?"
SP's response: "BFF, I have three responses to that -- first, if I thought I knew what you were talking about, I'd have a better response; second, if I thought you knew what you were talking about, I'd have a better response; and third, if I thought for a minute anything that goes on between my wife and me was your business I'd let you know."
LOL, I wish I could think of stuff that quickly. Good to know you're getting under her skin. She should feel bad. I will have zero respect for my wife if she doesn't attempt to work out our marriage. If she identified what was wrong, made the effort to work it out and it still was not happening and we came to the conclusion together then and only then would I understand.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I think this business of putting your "mark" on the newly vacated space in your home (when/if she leaves) is a good idea. It's good for you, first of all, and second - it sends the right message to WAW. Personal experience here ~~~ when I moved out of our home, I took very little in terms of furniture. But the little space I did leave with the furniture I took, I'll be damned if Coach didn't put his drum set right in the middle of it, front and center in HIS living room. The first time I came back to the house to pick up our D and saw the drums sitting where my desk had been, I was livid. Thought to myself - what fresh hell is this???? And immediately on the heels of that thought came - "He's making this place HIS where it used to be OURS." Ouch.
Now to be sure, this home decor event did not immediately turn the ship around. But it was but one more significant crack in the wall we had built between us.
Good move, SP.
Cheers ~
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Well, AF, for me it's different. My respect for my W is independent of her decision to / to not work on the M. In my summary I should have added:
After SP starts DB'ing he takes full responsibility for sitch, validates W's feelings and decisions, says he understands and accepts.
I don't know why W won't / can't work on the M. Maybe she's scared. She's pretty mule-headed, so maybe she's afraid of losing face. Maybe -- and let's face it, this is ALWAYS a possibility (perhaps even a probability) -- she REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO ME.
So that bit is beyond my control, and I'm not going to let influence my evaluations of her. She is my children's mother and, at a minimum, deserves my respect for that.
and let's face it, this is ALWAYS a possibility (perhaps even a probability) -- she REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO ME.
Laugh out loud. IMO thats not true. Shes looking for something on the other side that is not there. although we know that there are woman who abandon their children but does anyone know a woman who has left their children and there is not another man involved. Gees your W has all but introduced him to you !
Now that response about moving this shift along is great. Thats what we mean. Dont worry about her, focus on you!
she is moving ..... ooooooow what fun can I have . she is moving ......ooooooow i can eat whatever , whenever i want she is moving...... ooooooow poooooooool table ( homer simpson)
Lets worry about you for now and brilliant answer to enabling desperte, unstable ,lonely, your childs worst enemy BF.
Your wife is intelligent and will see through her in due time.
Your fun will start when you take back control. You will watch with pleasure as her life unravels. Nothing vindictive or nasty just karma working at its best. Consequences can be a bitch!
[Your fun will start when you take back control. You will watch with pleasure as her life unravels. Nothing vindictive or nasty just karma working at its best. Consequences can be a bitch! [/quote]
I like that!!!
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
