I hope you understand I am not judging you, I have made my share of mistakes as well. I just have a sense that there is more going on than meets the eye and was trying to offer an alternative to just giving an ultimatum. Again, I am assuming that she knows or suspects and basing it on that, but you are in a better position to know.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
The thing with Mrs. Cinco is she is just not a touchy-feely sort of a person. Any kind of physical contact (hugging, kissing, ML) makes her feel smothered. As DQ has pointed out the lack of closeness does not bother her. When she doesn't have it she feels perfectly happy and content. She likes the company of people but touching is invading her space.
I'm sure it has a lot to do with her family life growing up. They just were not a touching family. Even my MIL feels uncomfortable when I give her a hug (she's warming to it though). BIL and his W? I have never seen them touch each other ever. I think they have a platonic M. She has 3 boys from a previous M and they have no children of their own. He has gotten so he'll hug us goodbye when we see them holidays.
Giving a background so you get an idea of what we'd have to work past. To have the intimacy I am wanting she would have to push through this anxiety.
I have been sitting on the fence. My fears stop me short of laying it all out. I have told her were I want for our R to go and she has told me she can't go there. I don't think because of her level of trust in me. She just has no desire to reach higher levels of intimacy. So it is back on me to decide what to do.
Bagheera - I wish so hard that I could find the key that would unlock her passion. I want this more than anything. I will keep searching but I have fears that she is as DQ describes her ex-H. God I hope I am wrong but I can't rule it out as a possibility.
My H's family is also uncomfortable with touch/hugs. Early in our relationship, when we would hang out with his family, I would hug everyone as we were leaving. It made me sad to feel them stiffen up in my arms and barely hug back. His father was the warmest. His mother and siblings (especially his sister) had the most difficulty with it. After I hugged the first one, I couldn't stop, you know? So I had to go through hugging each of them goodbye. Awwwkward! The next visit, I think his Mom initiated a hug with me, and then everyone followed suit. I basically forced an entire family to start hugging each other, by mistake, but I hope it's a good mistake.
Their hugs are somewhat reserved/controlled with me and with each other. Loose, light, quick. I just go in for the kill. Why bother otherwise? Poor things have to be accosted by the random Italian.
They're also reserved with the baby in how they hold him and play with him. Not much grabbing and hugging there. My H is good with that, though.
I try to see it as "our different styles" rather than any of us having dysfunction.
Last Saturday I spent the morning with my daughter visiting a university which is her #2 pick on her list of potential schools. Mrs. Cinco had to work so it was just D and me. The visit went so well that she may have two #1 schools now. She is very interested in genetics and this is one of the few schools in our state where undergrads have access to the research labs... she was very excited to hear that.
After that we drove to a nearby city where her high school jazz band was performing in a jazz music festival. She gets some extra band credit for attending and her boyfriend plays in the band so we decided to make a day of it. Very good HS bands were playing there. We even stayed for the evening performance of the hosting university's 3 jazz bands... great musicians. D and I had a nice day together which we don't get to do all that often anymore.
Cinco's Job Search Update:
I am finally getting job leads that suit my experience and will really challenge me vs. "just a paycheck" type of work. I have two interviews coming up that I am really excited about with two different companies producing cutting edge technical products. The 1st will be Thursday at 2 PM CST and the 2nd will be Tuesday at 1 PM CST.
I would be so grateful if everyone inclined to do so would send me your thoughts and prayers at those times. Landing one of these jobs will mean so much to me and my family.
Good luck and we'll be standing by, waiting for the news after the interviews! Also, I'm very happy that you had such a great day with your daughter....those precious moments never come back around so take advantage of them all NOW!
Hey - any updates with Mrs. Cinco? More happy kisses???
Wow! I was offered the job yesterday with company 'B'!
The only trouble is I really want to interview next week with company 'A' before I accept with 'B'. The 'A' job is, I think, a better opportunity and would be a direct hire. Job 'B' is a 6 months contract-to-hire so you see why I call it my 'B' choice.
Interview date change: The company 'A' interview is now confirmed to be on Wednesday at 9 AM CST.
Thanks so much everyone for the thoughts and prayers. It really did help me to have the confidence and a winning attitude to succeed.
