So what I wanted to know is what Gucci and Puppy and the other men here would think if faced with a "wooing" requirement. Here's where I'm coming from: I need to feel like he wants to win me. I know there are other men out there who would want to be with me so I need him to realize that and act accordingly.
I think you would get more from someone when you DO NOT make it a requirement.
The question is... How do you get what you need and want WITHOUT making it a requirement?
Let me give you an example of what I recommend you try as an approach before giving a requirement and a list.......(this example can be used with anything on your list of requirements.)
(Pearl to exBF).. "I want to take this slow with you exBF and I realize that we both have some major concerns. I realized that when we were apart that I want and need to be wooed. I want romance, I want fun, I want a man who is thoughtful. I want to be with a man who wants to be an "us". I want to feel like the man I am with WANTS me. I need to be honest here exBF, and I am not sure that is who you are, or the type of man you are. I realized that I didn't feel those things from you or get those things with you before. I will not settle for anything less this time. If "we" can't have that in our relationship, then I am not interested in seeing where this goes because I know I will not be happy. When I love a man I am willing to give him my all, but I am not going to do it with ANY man who can't seem to give those things back. I now know that there are men out there who want to do those things for their women. I just am not sure that is who you are. I don't feel right now that I am willing to give much to you because of those reasons. This is nothing against you for being who you are and I know that you have things you need too, but I just wanted to be honest and not give any false hope here. What do you think?"
AND then let him respond... He either will do the same things he has done in the past or he will get the "message" without it feeling like a "have to do it or else"...
I hope you see the difference. This shows him and tells him what you want and need, but gives no pressure to him because you are staying at arms length and admitting to him that you have seen no evidence of these things from him. Men usually like to solve problems. You have created one now. Hopefully he will respond as most men do.
Email may be a good idea. Wait for the timing to be right before you do this.
Quote:
I know Gucci just told all the men not to go out of their way to do things for their wives, but that's exactly what I want and expect from xBF. I don't want a wussy man, but I want someone who sees me as a prize and wants to beat out other competitors to win me over. I've heard all the talk, but honestly there has been minimal effort to show me that he is the best option for me.
Taken out of context. You are not the one who had an affair or wanted out. You are actually the "men" in the quote. You are the one who should be doing little. It is not only okay to go out of your way for someone you love, but it is a must for a great relationship. However, it is a big mistake to go out of your way to someone who doesn't want you or someone having an affair. (big differnce)
