AWW {{{Amy}}} thank you and hugs and love right back at YOU!! He WAS smart once..obviously! I'm so sad that your little men were sad, but I'm glad their dad texted them back so quickly..hopefully that did their little hearts some good
Hugs and love for a good and fun weekend..enjoy that manicure and pedicure!!
OH brother..and here I thought we'd go a day without shoe talk!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Amy, that bites when the kids say things that can suck you right back into the emotional blahs. I'm sorry you're all going through this but I know you'll end up where you're supposed to be. Sending good thoughts your way.
Did Tawnya tell you I got an emerald green skirt to go with my new green shoes? It's a simple skirt but gorgeous color. And I'm jealous of the mani/pedi appt. Have fun!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks, guys! Love you both!!! And, I'm back to okay this morning. Sometimes just seeing the sun makes life seem better, doesn't it?
You guys should join me for the mani/pedi. My friend introduced me to this really nice place...the atmosphere is soothing...or maybe the wine they serve while my feet are soaking makes the atmosphere soothing! Either way, it's so relaxing. One time I had my brows threaded while I was there...that was not relaxing!!!! I won't choose that option tonight!
pearl...I'm jealous of the emerald green skirt!!! I have lots of green in my closet, but I'm kind of hoping the green shoes I find require items I don't already have. I may be becoming addicted to shopping...is that a bad thing???
Hope you guys have a great Friday!
Hugs! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
And, just when things seem to be getting better again...
Tonight when we said our prayers before bed, little man says, "And I want to ask God to bring my daddy home." WHOA! I was totally unprepared for that! S7 says, "S3, Dad's not coming home so don't ask for that. And, quit whining."
That kind of stuff stabs you straight in the heart doesn't it!! Sorry you had that happen!
My emotions go on a wild rampage when one or both of the boys don't want to go to W's place and we still put him/them in the car.... Just so sad! That's been happening more often lately.
Glad you're feeling better the next day tho! I think I need an episode of Two and a Half Men to get me in a good mood before heading to bed!
Hi sweetie-pie. Read your stitch about S3's prayer. Wow! I think you have a gift for saying just the right thing to your children. I am always amazed at your compassion b/c knowing me....I would have blasted their dad to bits--out of my own anger issues, but not you....you are only concerned for their little hearts and how all this is affecting them.....and the fact that you do want them to love their dad (the jerk) and you keep him held up to them and convincing them of his love for them. So, I vote for AmyM for the Mother of the Year Award!!
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And, now, I'm sad and mad again! How can this be the best thing for my children, and, how in the world can H be so blind that he honestly believes it is??????
Don't beat yourself up over these feelings. After all, you are just human.......and I was beginning to wonder!! (Just kidding) Seriously, we have talked about this before and you know you are going to have these hard, down times and wonder and ask "why did this happen?" And, you will probably try to blame yourself (in which I will personally come spank you) and wonder if you could have done something different then maybe he would not have left. But, honey, don't do it. We all have told you that you did all any woman could do. You even endured him sleeping with the OW while trying to get him back--and that wasn't enough for him.....so what more could you do??? Anyway, no use in hashing all that again. It just pains me to see you hurt and I know every time these babies say something like S3 did.....it is going to rip your heart out. But, you are doing the best of any other mother I know of in your stitch. Now, that is saying a lot, don't you think? And don't tell anybody else on here that I told you that! It is our secret.
You know, Amy, I had always heard by older folks that we aren't suppose to question God. One Sunday, I just politely asked, why. I thought the Sunday School teacher was going to fall over. She could not think of anything to say other than that was what she had always heard. Well, that was not good enough for me! I said again, "Why shouldn't we question God?" If we had no questions, then why would we pray or seek His directions and instructions from His Word?" I believe I know what they meant by that statement......I was just making my "own" statement in that class that day... They mean, maybe, that we think by questioning God, that we are saying we think He messed up or made a "mistake" in our life somewhere or maybe somebody else's life. Well, my answer, again, is that that should cause us to look in His word for the answers. It is hard to explain to people who are unbelievers, b/c I have tried to do that. They blame God for all the bad stuff in planet earth, but the Bible teaches us that it is "sin" that has caused this.....not God. They see God as being one that is mean and say if He was a God of love, how could He allow these things to happen. Oh, I could get up on my box now with this subject....lol. But, I'll spare you b/c we've talk about it before. Just want to remind you b/c I know that you know your H was created to have free will and it was not God's doings that caused your H to do what he did and even though you did the best you could......it still happened. Just like when a precious child is hit with a disease.......oh Lord. When my little girl asked me why God allowed her to have diabetes when He "could" have prevented it.......I did not know what to say to make her feel better. Where were you, Amy, when I needed you there to tell me what to say? Those are tough questions to answer, but as I tried to tell her, it wasn't b/c He was being mean to her, but things happen to good people and we have to trust God to do what is best for us in spite of what has happened to us. And that, my dear darling, is what you will do b/c you are a smart cookie! He will do what is the best thing in spite of what has happened to you. Who else can take what was meant for evil and turn it into good? Yes, the boys will not be as happy with the stitch as they would if daddy was living at home, but you don't have any power over that except to do what you are already doing and that is to give them as much security and reassurance of their parents' love for them, as you possibly can. That is one of those things in the prayer of serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Trust God to do the rest. Somehow, someway, it will all turn out good for you. No, you can't see it today and maybe not for a while to come, yet. But, someday, you will look back and see......if you will stay obedient to Him. It's a promise!
Love you sweetie, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
((((Tawnya and Sam))))) Thanks for the kind words. I hurt so much for all the kids caught up in these tragedies. It seems too early for mine to be learning that life's not fair, ya know?
Oh, Sandi...I promise that God sent you specifically to watch over me. I've had a tough time the past couple of days, and it always helps to read your posts and be reminded that God's looking out for me and the boys even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it. And, I do thank Him for sending you to me everyday!!!
Today's little man's birthday. And, I don't get to be with him, and what's worse, is that I think she's with him today.
Yesterday I leave work a little early to come home and pack the boys clothes for next week. They will be with my mom and dad all week for Spring Break, and then, I'll meet them at my Grandmother's next weekend for Easter.
So, I get home and there's a note on the door from the sheriff's office referencing a "paper #9968" and H's name. So, I'm puzzled, and I call the office. The woman says that she has a child support petition for H. I say, "From Amy?" She says, "No. From..." H's first ex-wife! Wow!!! That's weird. He pays very little child support for a child from a first marriage that lasted about 7 months. For a while after we married, we tried to establish an R with the son, but he suffers from CP so we really needed cooperation from his mom. But, his mom is a nut case. And, I don't say that lightly. On two occasions she accused us of abusing him, and we were investigated. In both cases, we were cleared and in fact, after the first investigation, we were asked to take custody of the child. We did for about 3 months before she made a stink about wanting him back. After the 2nd investigation, I told her that I couldn't risk losing my children because of false accusations. I told her that I would be glad to participate in supervised visitation if she would set that up. She never did, and she ended up moving away because "you aren't helping me enough."
H is not really interested in maintaining the R with her or the son, so, he hasn't made any effort. I tried for a while, but she made it almost impossible. At any rate, last year she got remarried and had another baby. She petitioned for more CS then, but her case was thrown out because she didn't submit her paperwork. So, apparently now, she's gotten her ducks in a row.
So, H comes to get the boys clothes, and I give him the card and tell him what it's about. He says, "GREAT." I said, "Tell me about it. I'm 3 days too late." Because theoretically, my CS will be reduced if he has to pay her more...and my papers aren't filed yet...Tuesday's my day.
So, he says, "Nope. You are okay." I take that to mean that he's going to pay me what's already in my papers...I'm sure once he thinks about it a little (and once he and OW discuss it), he'll change his mind. But, not much I can do about that now! Or maybe he's so anxious to get away from me that he'll pay the money to avoid the delay.
So, I ask him what time I can call today to talk to little man. He says (without looking at me), "We are going out on the boat. So, call around 9:00." I say okay. And, I hug my babies...and little man says, "I'm gonna miss you so much, Mommy." And, I say, "Me too! But, I'll call you every day."
Then I did lots of baby shower prep stuff. This morning I was in WalMart at 9:00, so I was going to wait to call until I got to the car. A few minutes after 9:00, S7 calls. I ask him if he sang Happy Birthday to S4 yet and he says, "Nope. We are gonna do that when we get to the island." And, then it occurred to me that the reason H wouldn't look at me last night when he told me about going on the boat is that he's taking OW, and they've planned a party on the beach for my baby. So, S7 and I sing Happy Birthday, and I talk to them both a minute and then H gets on the phone, and I'm crying by now, and I just say, "Please use more sunscreen on him this time, and please give him love for me." And, he says (all chipper in tone), "We'll do."
And, then I think as I hang up the phone, that I really might hate him! And, I don't want to, but I'm having a hard time right now. He's stolen my babies from me, and that's soooo unfair. I was a good wife...a very good wife. I wasn't perfect. There are certainly things I would have done differently. But, I was good enough to deserve a chance to fix things before he decided to screw around with some OW who wants to be part of my kids' family.
I've been busy all day getting ready and giving the shower. I might go out tonight with some girls I don't know that well who invited me to "party" with them, or I might just stay home, rent a sappy movie, and have a good cry. And, this minute, I'm leaning towards the latter.
I was telling Tawnya the other day that I thought I had likely not dealt with all the anger that would be reasonable to feel in my sitch. I know God made my heart big. I've been praying to forgive H (and OW) for a long time now. Maybe, God's taken the anger away, or, maybe (and this seems more likely), I've just buried it underneath a lot of activity and a smile.
Sandi, please keep praying for me. I think there's still a lot of hard times to come. And, while I'm doing very well, and I certainly attribute that to my faith and God's love for me, I still have a long way to go on this road to "whole again."
I hope that you are feeling good these days...I pray for that for you too.
Hugs and much, much love to you!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Well, Sam, I'm doing just that! I just thought I better post to let everyone know that the pity party is over...for tonight at least!
The purple shoes are on, and I'm heading out the door.
I have really great people in my life. The ones I've met here on the board are terrific. And, the ones I have gotten to know better locally are pretty terrific too...for example, the girls I'm going out with tonight. One of them is the wife of one of my co-workers. The others I have only met once through her. But, she called. I told her I didn't think I was up for a night out. She said, "Nonsense! We'll see you there." So, here I go!
I hope you are right that I'll feel better afterwards. I do feel much better thinking about it now than I did a little bit ago!
Hugs, Sam! Hope you have a great night too!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Sorry you had that happen!
They mean, maybe, that we think by questioning God, that we are saying we think He messed up or made a "mistake" in our life somewhere or maybe somebody else's life. Well, my answer, again, is that that should cause us to look in His word for the answers. It is hard to explain to people who are unbelievers, b/c I have tried to do that. They blame God for all the bad stuff in planet earth, but the Bible teaches us that it is "sin" that has caused this.....not God. They see God as being one that is mean and say if He was a God of love, how could He allow these things to happen. Oh, I could get up on my box now with this subject....lol. But, I'll spare you b/c we've talk about it before. Just want to remind you b/c I know that you know your H was created to have free will and it was not God's doings that caused your H to do what he did and even though you did the best you could......it still happened. Just like when a precious child is hit with a disease.......oh Lord. When my little girl asked me why God allowed her to have diabetes when He "could" have prevented it.......I did not know what to say to make her feel better. Where were you, Amy, when I needed you there to tell me what to say? Those are tough questions to answer, but as I tried to tell her, it wasn't b/c He was being mean to her, but things happen to good people and we have to trust God to do what is best for us in spite of what has happened to us. And that, my dear darling, is what you will do b/c you are a smart cookie! He will do what is the best thing in spite of what has happened to you. Who else can take what was meant for evil and turn it into good? Yes, the boys will not be as happy with the stitch as they would if daddy was living at home, but you don't have any power over that except to do what you are already doing and that is to give them as much security and reassurance of their parents' love for them, as you possibly can. That is one of those things in the prayer of serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Trust God to do the rest. Somehow, someway, it will all turn out good for you. No, you can't see it today and maybe not for a while to come, yet. But, someday, you will look back and see......if you will stay obedient to Him. It's a promise!