I'm ok thanks, hope you are too. It's just about ok at the moment, I move out in a couple of works as some of my previous posts mentioned. I found a post from someone on Newcomers which was advice from a DB coach on how to be when your spouse turns up or you see her in regard to the children. I can't find it now. Anyway, I know its not the right thing to do, but as previously mentioned the children are suffering, and to be honest I am looking forward to having space as well. It will be good for the children and removes the intensity at home. I proposed to my wife which was agreed upon that I will move back to the marital home in June and she moves out to her parents who will be in Greece until the end of August.
Other than that I am still searching for a job which is stressful in itself.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I proposed to my wife which was agreed upon that I will move back to the marital home in June and she moves out to her parents who will be in Greece until the end of August.
Other than that I am still searching for a job which is stressful in itself.
Mark,
I'll say my peace one more time, and then I'll drop it, I promise.
Don't be surprised if she breaks that agreement. Right now, she will say ANYTHING to get you out of your own house, and I think she's playing you.
Finally, I'd like you to consider these two statements of yours:
1) "Anyway, I know its not the right thing to do . . ."
2) " . . . but as previously mentioned the children are suffering, and to be honest I am looking forward to having space as well. It will be good for the children and removes the intensity at home."
These two contradict each other. It wouldn't BE "the right thing to do" if the premise was that the children would suffer, that you HAD to have space, and that there'd be an unmanageable level of intensity in the home if you were to stay.
I think you're rationalizing this, out of some combination of fear of your wife, fear of driving her away from you, and just selfish (but TOTALLY understandable) desire to be away from her and the conflict that she represents right now. She drains you.
Again, I understand all that, but I STILL don't think it's the right thing to do, nor did anyone else on the entire board. And I don't think YOU think it is, either.
I'd suggest to you that there is a THIRD OPTION here, and that is to make a stand, stay in your home, fight for your marriage, and learn the proper techniques to diffuse the tension.
I have been given the opportunity to start a job with a brand new business which combines my love of golf with IT. It's commission only for the first 3 months and then hopefully, a proper package and a area with a growing business. As worrying as it will be to have to rely on commission, I asked my wife what she thought as I believe this is communicating and also it is a big decision for me to make. Her reaction was luke warm to say the least, so much so that she barely uttered a word. No questions, no imput and no enthusiasm.
I also was asked by someone if we wanted a beatiful piece of yorke stone to complement the back of the house. When I suggested it would look nice she said "why are you bothered, I am making the decisions on this house seeing as you will not own it soon". I was raging inside but did not react, also she expects me to carry on decorating, helping with the garden, and generally still paying for things. I feel she is taking the pi** out of me, I don't know whether to ignore her and continue to do things around the house, or tell her to get on with it and do it herself?
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/03/0912:39 PM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Why are you asking her approval for your job offer? The only one I would be discussing that with would be my attorney, as I wouldn't want to do anything that might reflect negatively on me before the family court.
Mark, you're a computer guy, and if I could do graphics here I'd do a standard flow chart. Instead, imagine the circles and diamonds and octogons:
Do you like the job? Y/N
If N, keep looking; if Y, do you want the job?
If N, keep looking; if Y, take it.
Assuming you have some of the ready on hand to float you through the initial period, really mate -- how much worse off could you be 3 months from now?
(You've been on the boards here for around 6 weeks -- seem very long to you?)
Come July your W is still going to be the same WAW she is now, your living arrangements are going to be no less tenuous (and possibly more solid), the global economy is going to be whatever Messrs Brown, Obama, et al., are able to concoct, and someone is saying, "Hey Mark, why don't you come round and fiddle with our computers and get in a couple on the back nine while you're at it?"
I've actually excepted the role this afternoon, I am off to see the MD on Monday to confirm details etc. The answer was staring me in the face, but with all the crap going on I have been unable to focus properly.
Your right, my W will still be having her out of body experience, so I will be concentrating on this new role. All this nonsense may be the catalyst to something exciting for me and the children for the future. You are also right about the 3 months, I should be able to cover it (just), but it a gamblw worth taking. Thanks for the advice mate.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
When I suggested it would look nice she said "why are you bothered, I am making the decisions on this house seeing as you will not own it soon". I was raging inside but did not react, also she expects me to carry on decorating, helping with the garden, and generally still paying for things.
Ok, so she is buying you out? Who will be paying the mortgage?
She will be apparantly. With her share of the equity, work and the good old government via child tax credits, and the like. Quite how she is going to pay the following bills I have paid recently is beyond me: - mortgage £937, community charge £221 per month, £502 gas bill, £311 electricity bill etc. As was posted a while ago, she thinks the grass is greener on the other side, time will tell I think.
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/03/0902:48 PM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
