A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

Thank you Sandi. It's good to hear from you. It's also good to hear you supporting my new outlook. That means a lot.

I was a bit down yesterday. I was pulling a 12 hour shift at work (doing the same today). It was a long day anyway but I was getting birthday greetings in by text message and phone calls all day. The one person who was notably missing in wishing me happy birthday though was my W. Towards the end of the day it was starting to get to me. Lo and behold though, when I got home from work at 7pm, my W came to visit me with Wee Man. It was really good to see them both. Wee Man got me a card and a present with love and lots of kisses in the card and my W got me a card from herself. It was just a plain card and she said 'Best Wishes' in it rather than love or anything. There was also no kisses. I don't mind too much though as I can imagine she really wasn't sure how to sign it. The fact is that she remembered and got me a card. That in itself means a lot to me. So, we had a nice chat and played with Wee Man for a bit before she left to take him home to get him bathed and off to bed.

Shortly afterwards my MIL and BIL came past with cards and presents. We had a couple of glasses of wine and a good chat. Later, my W's aunt and grandmother came with cards and presents too. Everyone was very sweet and it made me feel really good and supported again.

You're right Sandi that I'm trying everything I can right now to reduce negative feelings between my W and I. That's how my DB coach advised me to proceed. I think in doing that I've also increased my patience. Since I'm now just focusing on building a friendship, I don't find myself being so impatient and expecting quick results. Building any kind of friendship takes time and I realise I'm just in the early stages. The fact that I keep reminding myself with is that it is gradually improving. And let's face it, constant improvement is always a movement in a positive direction. Who knows where it may lead? My W and I obviously lost our way in marriage but there's nothing to say we can't find eachother again through friendship and good feeling. I'm no longer in a hurry to get there so I'm happier in myself because of it.

Kev