WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[confusedinpa]

Not a good parenting agreement discussion

I started with I will have Sat starting for breakfast through Tues morning school/daycare drop off. And we would alternate Friday's. She said no because she wanted a weekend. I said how about on her Friday's she would not bring them until dinner on Sat

She said no - unless she was the one with the weekends. I said that doesn't make sense since they should have the family home and yard and outdoor toys to play with on the weekends.

Then I offered she would have them every 4th weekend and I will get to take them for visit 3 times during that long stretch she would have them as I wouldn't want to not seem them for that long

She said no

Then I offered we could split every weekend then.

She said no

She said she doesn't like having fixed days and thinks we should rotate every couple of weeks

I said I don't like the rotating as that was another thing that would detract from stability and prefer fixed days

I said I'm trying to compromise and respect what's she's saying. I don't feel she is doing the same. She seems to be taking the position its either one of her choices or I'm not working with her and the relationship will never work.

She said I wasn't compromising. She said she offered several options and I said they were essentially the same - 50/50, rotating (ever 1 to 2 weeks sequence would change) - just repackaged differently, just as I realized how all my options were essentially the same - kids stay in one place - just repackaged differently. I said I've considered what she wants and will do the 50/50 but feel she's not respecting what I've compromised on. She says that's because she doesn't respect me

Then it blew up into a relationship talk. She said that she is annoyed by the person I've become. I tried to jujitsu it to how I can see how she's hurt and angry by the things I've done but that was the past and she's holding onto that anger/hurt by looking for things to be annoyed about. She said she's heard that all before from me and stop repeating myself. I said that we both need to look upon ourselves as we both have responsibilty of how our relationship got to this point.

She got mad and said I can't blame her as she had done everything to try and get through to me to let me know there was a problem but I never got it. I said that's where we both own the problem, I see where I may not have been listening/understand to what was said but she needs to take some ownership in putting it in terms that I would understand

I reminded her that she told me that she had made up her mind in Sept and she said she tried to tell me three times. But she saw each time I didn't get it. Somehow on Jan 9th she found a way to make it clear to me that I got it.

It was not a good discussion. Major setback from a relationship prospect

So I'm back to the drawing board on the parenting agreement