Still here......

[Belle]

Ok, so H finally figured out when he works this weekend. (Duh......) He called tonight to let me know (left a message) and so I called him back to tell him that I'm setting up our first "meeting" up for Sunday.

Of course, he didn't answer......(I didn't leave a message)

It just burns me up inside because I know he's probably with that little girl known as his girlfriend. I want to say bad things about her.....Is it really bad that I would be happy if he breaks her heart???? I know that is very wrong of me, but how can she be doing what she is doing to me????

I'm so tempted to send him a text and say "It's set up for Sunday - and don't bring your girlfriend."

I talked to him last night to ask him when he works and he proceeded to get me into this conversation about God (again). He was going on about Deepak Chopra. He watched that Nightline special about the devil and the panel talking about whether or not the devil is real.

He kept saying that Deepak is so smart, and he read the Bible in Hebrew and has studied all these religions. And on and on about how creation started with a small cell. And beliefs are just insecurities. Oh! How frustrating!!!!

I don't know why I just didn't tell him I couldn't talk.

I'm feeling used again as I have talked with him twice now (the time I asked him to go to this program and then last night). And when we did talk, it wasn't just about the matter at hand - I did chat with him about other stuff. And I wish I hadn't chatted with him as he doesn't deserve to talk to me while he's carrying on with her.

I guess I'm just trying to be civil until we get to this 1st session. If H doesn't agree to the "Promise" then he's a big fat jerk of a H that I don't want.

But here's the question. If he does agree to the promise, there's no way to know for sure he's abiding by the promise. The man that will be leading this said that H will have to answer to him. But I just don't think that's going to happen. I don't think H will feel he has to answer to anyone - it's been all about himself.

But there will be no transparency plan with this program. I guess I intend to reserve that for if and when he tells me that he is ready to work on our marriage.

This program is simply to help him figure out if he wants to work on the marriage.......

I just don't see it going well.

I know I am being negative.