She just told me on the phone that she was going to send me an email soon and that I should read it. I'm kinda feeling nervous about this cause I didnt get the feeling it would be an email I'd want to get.
I'd be willing to bet that it will be some half-truth's to begin preparing you. Might cop to being "just friends" with someone, but even THAT will be prefaced by some re-writing of marital history that she, in fact, "emotionally checked out of the marriage a long, long time ago."
I could be wrong, but that would be pretty script.
WHATEVER it is, just validate (not the same as "agree"), and don't make any decisions. If it's something heavy, you may not want to even RESPOND until you've run it by some folks here.
I am a little angry that if she was so unhappy for years then why didnt' she try to communicate it to me in a way I would have actually heard. She knows I don't get subtle hints most of the time, just give it to me straight. And I'm kinda angry cause I feel like my trust has been violated. I know that I'm not perfect, but I honestly thought I always tried to be a good H.
This fits me perfectly--I feel the exact same way. My wife claims she tried to communicate this to me and and I racked my brain to try and think when she had talked about this and could not. I don't understand at all. At this point though, I don't think you're supposed to understand unfortunately. That's why it SUCKS!!!!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
She filed for D today. Saying that she pretty much just couldn't do it anymore. She even mentioned that she thought I didn't take her seriously because I believe that the marriage can be saved. I don't understand how that is interpreted that way since the LBS is usually thinking that way, but thats what she got out of it.
She said that she knew I was trying to change my ways, and she did too, but she doesnt' believe that people can really change their ways.
And that her 'indecisiveness' in the beginning and not just filing caused more pain for me than she intended. Right...so this is a favor for me?
I couldnt' stop myself from crying when I read the email. And then my 4.5 yr old came over to ask what happened, and I had to tell him about what is happening. I don't know what to do at all now. I really, really feel sick right now.
She is supposed to be home early today, since I was supposed to go to a coaches meeting to volunteer coach for my son's soccer class. But I don't know if I can do it. My mind is shot right now.
I am thinking of going to my parent's house adn finally telling them what's been going on and to stay for a few days. I haven't told any family yet because I didn't want them to hold any grudges in case we reconciled or I didn't want pressure from them to do things that would just make it easier on me, but at the expense of the M. But I think once I tell them, the M will just go down hill cause of all the 'advice/pressure/negative talk/etc.
I really, really feel tired, confused, and extremely down right now.
I am a little angry that if she was so unhappy for years then why didnt' she try to communicate it to me in a way I would have actually heard. She knows I don't get subtle hints most of the time, just give it to me straight. And I'm kinda angry cause I feel like my trust has been violated. I know that I'm not perfect, but I honestly thought I always tried to be a good H.
This fits me perfectly--I feel the exact same way. My wife claims she tried to communicate this to me and and I racked my brain to try and think when she had talked about this and could not. I don't understand at all.
She called and asked if I read her email, and I said yes. Then she asked if she should come home early so we could talk about it. And I told her I don't want to talk to her now. Then she said she can have someone watch our son while we talked about it cause we need to talk about the next step. But again, I just told her I don't want to talk to her right now, and I said I had to go. And then took my son out for lunch.
I am definetly hurting, but also feeling angry and betrayed right now. I don't know what to do next.
Hi sotired, ........... I am so sorry to hear about your news. I totally understand where you are at, mentally, today. I just went through this last week myself.
I know words can't describe your feelings of pain and resentment right now.
I hope you do go and talk with your family and I hope they are as supportive and loving as mine have been. Both you and your little man need all the unconditional love and support ou can get right now.
I have no words of advice for you my firend, I just wanted to let you know that I have been keeping up with your sitch. I just want to say this website has been an unbelievable source of love and support for me, so stay on here, we are all in your corner to be there to listen.
I know some of the veterans out there will have sound advice for you right now that I can't offer.
Love that little man of yours, he needs a strong father.
Hi sotired, ........... I am so sorry to hear about your news. I totally understand where you are at, mentally, today. I just went through this last week myself.
I know words can't describe your feelings of pain and resentment right now.
I hope you do go and talk with your family and I hope they are as supportive and loving as mine have been. Both you and your little man need all the unconditional love and support ou can get right now.
I have no words of advice for you my firend, I just wanted to let you know that I have been keeping up with your sitch. I just want to say this website has been an unbelievable source of love and support for me, so stay on here, we are all in your corner to be there to listen.
I know some of the veterans out there will have sound advice for you right now that I can't offer.
Love that little man of yours, he needs a strong father.
Thnx for the response. My little man is my source of strength these days, and one of the things that always makes me smile in these tough times.
I am still not sure about letting the family in on it yet because I know it will mean that regardless of the outcome, they will always hold it against her. But I don't really see how I can keep it from them much longer.
I just spent time talking with a friend. And he suggested that I ask for a 6month physical separation. Though I have a feeling she'll use this against me since I didn't agree to a separation when she asked for it before. Plus I don't know how we can do this though because of the money situation right now (I still haven't found a new job yet).
But other than that I don't know what other options are left.
