Have to admit that I started the day oversleeping again, but this time my d came and woke me on time - another first.
But the day took a different turn - an old issue that caused much grief and arguing surfaced, we tried to contain it - didn't work. Though we did talk it through instead of just arguing! We stayed in communication - what a difference!
It started to go down the same old cheesetunnels - he not wanting to move back in with the kids there, and me thinking this is no way to be M. I basically took a stake and plainly said - if you expect to work on rebuilding this R and M, then it is with the kids or not at all and I can accept - not at all. I just can't accept - waiting to rebuild until they move on. His response was initially the same. We ended the convo.
He went to church, called to say he was wrong about everything, and as hard as it is for him to turn things around - he is willing to do that now - M with kids if necessary. I was shocked. I never thought he would go there. And sad as it is - I had finally reached a point where I couldn't move forward without that committment. Didn't think he would. Two surprises!
Part of me is wondering, how is this all happening? God does work overtime and I do believe my H loves me more than anything else. H is becoming so much more the person I thought he was when I met him. Not perfect, just open spiritually.
I know I havent' said as much here, but I am a person of strong faith and have always lived my life that way. That is what attracted me to my H in the first place. He lit up when talking about spiritual things with me. Somehow he got lost and now it seems that he is finding his way back.
A few days ago I did go back and read from the beginning and saw the changes. That is why I keep thanking everyone here for their support, because I wouldn't be where I am now without it. You all had a part in bringing me back to life. I will never forget that. It may seem that I say it a lot, but the truth is, I don't have any family to turn to, my kids are preping to leave home, I had no one to talk to. You all, listened and encouraged me. Not just to reunite, but to be myself again, whatever the outcome.
Last night I was asking my d if she would be ok living here on term breaks with my H here. She said it was fine. I was able to promise her that what happened before would not happen again. She said, she knew that. I told her that I was finally ok whether it worked out or not, and she smiled and said she knew that now. Wow! (but the way, she picked out a college! and has a huge scholarship! Phila Biblicial Univ. - she's majoring in Christian Music Leadership) - her church has offered her an internship as Worship Director too.)
Now I just need to get my S a fulltime job or back in school.
