The lbs is so happy to have the mlcer back home, that he/she doesn't realize that the real work has begun. The mlcer is still very fragile emotionally and they will test you time and time again to see if you are being true. The guilt eats at them and they will bring up things like, if you'd rather I go, I can, and other such comments. Don't buy into them. In other words, they want to ensure that you are not going to throw all of the mlc crap back into their faces. They want to feel "safe" and know that they are "safe". It's really a very true test of the lbs to see if they can really, really reconcile or not.
I think that is by far one of the best written examples of what happens and what to expect.
You should print that up and have it somewhere to reference New. In order to heal you will end up having to talk about some of it, but you'll realize that some of those old questions you absolutely thought you needed answers to...you no longer need answered, or they just aren't important.
Forgive...do not rub his nose in it, make him earn the forgiveness, but do not hold it over him...no one wants to live like that.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
on sunday i walked into the kitchen, he grabbed me pulled me close and said " so are you really glad im home???" my answer was a resounding yes.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Yep, he's testing you. He wants reassurance and is hoping to catch you off guard to see if you'll say something different or your body language will tell on you.
Those that return home...they all do it...every last one of them, in some fashion.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
sooo....I guess the real adustment time started from when he let go og the cow. so its been less than a yr . i have to count from 7/08. He still marvels and says how lucky he was i took him back and he cant understand why I did.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
He still marvels and says how lucky he was i took him back and he cant understand why I did.
best not mention the 346 people on DB that are wondering that too-lol
As you have to be so careful around here these days I will just add I was only joking! You sound good, I am so happy for you. What a journey certainly not one you would care to repeat I am guessing. Take care.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Its been a very long haul....for those of yo you you wish your H's to be home....you honestly dont want them home before thay are competely baked. The year of his MLC continuing contact and feelings for cow was killer. I almost gave in and booted him out.
They are so alike yet different...each MLCer has their own twist. I so wish him to be like YR's H...hes not there yet. More time to be baking I guess
Our financial situation is so dire after the MLC journey...yet he still thinks I created it, keeps him quite stressed out. I will own up to my share certainly, But he needs to own up to his and he hasnt.
The lack of sex has been a killer for me. It depresses me alot. Yet Ive come to accept it is gonna be this way.
We are just starting to talk some about his foray into lala land some. Im less distruful now. My anxiety/panic attacks are less frequent, I dont think of cow and him as much anymore. Still seeing "jeeps" drive by still gives me "eewwwhhh" feelings tho. But I dont always think of them when i drive by the hotel.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Its been a very long haul....for those of yo you you wish your H's to be home....you honestly dont want them home before thay are competely baked.
Thanks for the reminder. I have heard this so many times and even though I know this to be true, I can't help but try to push my H to move forward.
I am so happy that your H continues to progress and get closer to you. Your patience through out your H's crisis has been amazing. Your H is so lucky to have you.
It has to be hard to have all those painful reminders but know that they will diminish in time. When those "eewwwhhh" feelings come, can you think about how you and your H were able to overcome those obstacles and still be together? Could you could try to draw strength from those reminders rather than let them cause you pain?
