Hi kids!...Yep, tommorow, Venus is exact squared Pluto. Does anyone remember me banging on about that? I listed all the dates in this 2+ year pluto-venus cycle, it was exact on days he met her, the bomb, the day he moved out, the day he dated her, etc... all on dates that pluto opposed, conjunct or squared Venus? Well, the squares always 'favoured' me it seemed and its exact tommorow!! And the NNode is on my Venus. Phew.

Honestly.. I am not sure how I feel about it !! It got better as time went on.. I think my defences are up, but I noticed myself looking at his lips and wishing I could kiss them, so suppose thats a good sign?

Neaj.. its par for the course, he didnt tell me he was SEEING helen in the first place, he just allowed his mates to tell me that, down the pub, so not surprised. He will talk I expect, as he will be drinking tommorow.

I'm just pretty freaked out. I am glad we will all be going out tommorow night though, it will be like life is 'normal' again, I will see his brother, I will get to meet his house mate James at last..

oh and he gave me his phone number! in typical wierdly deliberate style.. I asked him if he was ok? He did that, ohhh.. I'm ok... I guess... I waited and eventually he said he is and he isnt, he is sometimes, but not really others, and something like, this is him, you know what I am like and that he accepts that he will be probably be like this for the rest of his life (he's had depression on and off all his adult life, but it never really bothered me.. but then it was a shock to hear him admit the extent of it and yes.. Cyrena said that didnt you, I would have to take that on for life too).. anyway.. (sorry,rambling!) I thought I would be brave and said, well I dont have your nunmber now, but you could call me for a chat.. and he quick as a flash said, yes you do now.. it will be on your phone when I called you...

so he rang from home to my mobile.. so he has 'given' me his number.

Seriously, I'm pretty wierded out and dont know how I feel! See how tommorow goes I guess. All I could think earlier was, well, that would solve my financial/living problems if we got back together !!! Is that the wrong attitude !? Hey and thanks everyone...for 'being' here for me tonight.