Happy Bday for tomorrow. I might be offline for a few days so I want to wish you a much better year this year than the last. You've earned it!
BTW, my first dog was a beagle as well. Stubborn as anything, couldn't train him at all. Maybe it's just me cause I couldn't train H either ;-)
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Happy Birthday, Kev! You sound so much better. I have been trying to catch up on your post and I am impressed with your new attitude.
To become friends with your W is the first step in any future with her b/c if you two have negative feelings.....there sure won't be any reuniting. So, you have the right idea and working toward the right goal. I am so proud of you! Continue the good work.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you Sandi. It's good to hear from you. It's also good to hear you supporting my new outlook. That means a lot.
I was a bit down yesterday. I was pulling a 12 hour shift at work (doing the same today). It was a long day anyway but I was getting birthday greetings in by text message and phone calls all day. The one person who was notably missing in wishing me happy birthday though was my W. Towards the end of the day it was starting to get to me. Lo and behold though, when I got home from work at 7pm, my W came to visit me with Wee Man. It was really good to see them both. Wee Man got me a card and a present with love and lots of kisses in the card and my W got me a card from herself. It was just a plain card and she said 'Best Wishes' in it rather than love or anything. There was also no kisses. I don't mind too much though as I can imagine she really wasn't sure how to sign it. The fact is that she remembered and got me a card. That in itself means a lot to me. So, we had a nice chat and played with Wee Man for a bit before she left to take him home to get him bathed and off to bed.
Shortly afterwards my MIL and BIL came past with cards and presents. We had a couple of glasses of wine and a good chat. Later, my W's aunt and grandmother came with cards and presents too. Everyone was very sweet and it made me feel really good and supported again.
You're right Sandi that I'm trying everything I can right now to reduce negative feelings between my W and I. That's how my DB coach advised me to proceed. I think in doing that I've also increased my patience. Since I'm now just focusing on building a friendship, I don't find myself being so impatient and expecting quick results. Building any kind of friendship takes time and I realise I'm just in the early stages. The fact that I keep reminding myself with is that it is gradually improving. And let's face it, constant improvement is always a movement in a positive direction. Who knows where it may lead? My W and I obviously lost our way in marriage but there's nothing to say we can't find eachother again through friendship and good feeling. I'm no longer in a hurry to get there so I'm happier in myself because of it.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Hi Kev, That is sssoooo cool that your in-laws all stopped by on your b'day!! I think it's wonderful that you are getting on with them so well. Call that another positive step. Bravo!!
Any GAL possibilities with any of them?
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
You are so right about building a friendship! And you know what? Being friends with a person you are M to is hard! (LOL) It is hard b/c of the emotional ties and the physical ties and everything else involved that isn't with other people who are considered to be "friends".
I think it was a very positive sign that she thought enough of you to being the baby over "herself" to see you on your BD. She didn't have to, you know. And, most women would have maybe signed their name to a card that was suppose to really be from the baby, not so it would cause any expectations from the H. But, she went as far as to get you a card from her personally and I think that is wonderful. The reason she had to keep it casual with signing "Best Wishes" and not any kisses, etc., was b/c it would have raised your hopes and you would have read too much into it. So, she is trying to be "friends" and not get you impatient again and start applying pressure about getting together as a couple. So, be happy with the fact that she did do that much. I know you are, but I also know in your heart....you were just a little disappointed that she signed it the way she did. Don't think on those things. Those are the small things that can break a person if they think on it too much. As the saying goes, "Don't sweat the small stuff".
You are doing so wonderful and I am so very proud of you. Keep up this rate and I believe in time, you will see some positive action toward a future with your W.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
MsM, you asked if there is any GAL possibilities with my IL's. In a sense I suppose the answer would be yes. She has quite a large family and we do get on really well. She has an uncle who told me he's going to start having regular poker nights and I'd be more than welcome to attend. It's not really my thing but I'll definitely go when it happens for the social aspect. Also, my FIL has told me that he'll probably start coming to my house when there's a good football (soccer) game on at the weekends. Now, I think there's a double reason for that one. We do enjoy each other's company but the fact of the matter is that I have the sports channels in high definition where he doesn't. Still, it's a nice thought.
Sandi, I won't deny I was slightly disappointed by the way my W signed my card but at the same time I didn't expect anything from her so it was a pleasant surprise. I never really believed that she'd sign it with love and kisses but there's always that small voice of hope at the back of the mind.
I've had a really busy weekend. I had a birthday night out on Friday with some friends and really had a good night. Then on Saturday, 2 of my best friends got married so I was at that. A really good wedding by all accounts. Not as good as mine was obviously but good all the same. I am just slightly biased in that respect though.
I do think the weekend has taken it's toll though. I have a really sore throat this morning and I'm fairly sure I have a cold coming on. I've got a busy week at work planned too so it is going to be a tad inconvenient. I'm sure I'll live though.
I was down at my W's house yesterday morning to pick up the dog which she'd been looking after while I had my busy weekend. Obviously I was desperate for a cuddle from Wee Man too. I swear he's developing more and more every time I see him. Anyway, I got my big cuddle and a snotty kiss (think I know where my cold's come from!!). When I went to leave, he started crying really hard. Again, it was heart-breaking but it may also be serving a purpose to make my W think a bit more about what we're doing to that poor wee guy. No matter though, it's still not nice to hear.
Right, I'd better go and get to work. Like I said, a lot to achieve this week.
Keep smiling everyone.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
So glad to hear you are GAL and staying busy. Planning ahead is the secret for not being left feeling depressed and lonely. I know you can be in a room full of people and still feel that way at times, but it is still better to GAL than to sit at home alone and be sad.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
