Damn you guys are right. I keep wanting to get her approval and love. I knew deep down I should not have let her stay with me but here is why I did. She would end up leaving the state and going 700 miles away to her sisters. My D would not go since I have custody and it would crush her. I didnt want some abandonment issue on my D shoulders. I also didnt want my D looking at me like I was some heartless bastard. I didnt want to lose her. NOw she is leaving Monday into an apartment that I paid the security on. Ya I know!!! [censored]! You know i was doing ok with myself until her drama. I was not thinking about her or who was doing her. Now its all i can think about. I keep throwing that imaginary red stop sign in my head but 30 seconds later I am day dreaming again. I want her to leave but I know its going to be so hard again and Im scared. I dont want to cry again and break down. It hurts to damn much. I thought she was my soul mate and its so sad to know shes nothing like that. I really thought I was doing the right thing by telling her shes a good person and better then the cheating. Kind of an opposite reinforcement. But really i just wanted to be close to her some how. Im pathetic! ahhhhhh How do i break this bond in my heart? Shes slept with 4 guys since me so maybe thats the key. Be a slut and the feelings will die. Sorry guys Im freaking out.
