My situation #9

[steady]

Went to see my L yesterday after work. I always leave there feeling more confused than when I go in. He told me I should shoot for 50/50 with the kids. I was talking to my W about 60/40 but he said I should go with 50/50. He's going to type up some kind of offer and let me read it before he sends it out. We'll see what happens.

Last night my W came into my room and asked me if I talked to the lawyer about some of the things her and I had discussed. Of course as we went into the conversation she started in with me.

She brought up how I was out of work for 5 months and I didn't look for a job the way she thought I should have. Then she started in about how I 'terrorized' her last year (the begging and pleading stage) and of course, she re-wrote all of it. It started last April and she's now insisiting it started before then - lol. She tried to throw me out of the house on April 6 08 and that's when I lost it. It wasn't before. She also said last year she wanted to go to the hotel on her birthday (Her birthday is this weekend) because I was keeping her up and driving her crazy.

I told her this wasn't true and that I didn't start that cr@p until she tried to throw me out. And when she said last year she wanted to go to the hotel, she said it was because I was working with her dad and my only days off were Mon and Wed and she had to take care of the kids all by herself - she never got a break and never got to sleep in at all. So now she's re-written the reason she wanted to go to the hotel overnight last year.

Another thing she brought up was my biploar which got diagnosed last July. She actually said that it's part of the reason she doesn't want to be married. She said a therapist she was seeing last year told her that all bets are off with the 'for better or worse' when there's mental illness involved. I kind of laughed and said, "Yeah maybe if it's untreated. But I'm under treatment and have been fine." Then I said it's like an alcoholic who won't stop drinking - then fine, reason to leave. But an alcoholic who quits drinking and straightens himself up is a different story. I know, I know - trying to rationalize with an irrational person. (Slam away)

The problem I'm having is that the conv. threw me for a bit of a loop. For some reason her re-writing the past bothers me and she has changed it all up so that she now expresses it as if I was a lunatic terrorizing her. I have to get to the root of why her validation and her opinion mean something to me - and why I allow it to throw me off.

I know some 2x4's may be coming, but I want to write my true feelings and thoughts because it is where I'm at - for the moment.