When all you got is hurt / One love / One blood

[MichelleLT]

Well, I drafted a lot of the crap that has bouncing around inside my head. Thoughts?

"I've been doing a lot of thinking over this last month. Going on the trip to Ireland with the backpack you bought me stirred up a lot of thoughts and emotions.

I thought I needed you. For years, I depended on you emotionally. I believed you were the best man I had ever met, and that I was so lucky to have you. I believed I would never find anyone else who could compare to you. I waited for you when the military took you away from me.

I even waited for you when you rejected me for someone else, convinced that if I was only patient enough you would see how much I loved you, how devoted I was, and how much I needed you, that you would remember our marriage and the promises we made to each other and our love and you would come back. And I told myself I would forgive you and take you back, because I had promised to be there for you forever, and I loved you, and I needed you.

But I recently realized something. I don't need you. I thought I did, but I am getting along on my own just fine. I have a good life, even without you in it. At first, I was surprised, but then I realized that people have to be complete on their own before they can have a healthy and balanced relationship with another. And so I am working on being a happy and healthy and complete me.

I think there will always be a part of me that loves you, after so many years I am not sure it is possible to stop. But for me, that love is overshadowed by the lies, omissions, and cheating, and the arguments that followed my discoveries. I was devastated by your abandonment. And I was devastated all over again when you did it again last June. I was so angry, but that gave me the strength to begin to move on.

I never wanted a divorce. I went into this marriage believing it would be forever. But what we have had for the last two years is not much of a marriage. And I am sorry for my part in it's breakdown.

I hope you find happiness within."