Rough and Ugly Four Months going on LIfe

[pearlharbr]

Well, I have had my share of backslides that's for sure! You just have to pick yourself up and resolve to do better in the future.

I wasn't really successful with detachment until I decided I'd had enough and was really done. So I don't know how to do "loving detachment." What I do know is that things turned around when I realized that I need to take care of me first because no one else is going to. When I really dropped the rope and let xBF go and only focused on myself and my future, that's when he turned around and realized he made a mistake.

The attention from the opposite sex definitely helped me get through the rough spots. I think the best part was realizing that there are plenty of fish in the sea and I still have a knack for fishing.

And this is very controversial here but I will offer my opinion: I think xBF thinking I was dating other man/men really got him going. Some people want to retain the moral high ground here and not even have the appearance of dating. But I'm in a different position in that we are not married and therefore when I kicked him out I became single. Now I did not ever tell xBF I was dating, but he certainly made the assumption by seeing flowers around the house every time he came over. He has not asked me directly so I have not told him whether or not I am/was seeing someone else.

For me, being friends and being the better option in hopes of winning xBF back simply did not work. It had a terrible impact on my self-esteem and wasn't getting me anywhere. When I was true to myself and told him the A was not acceptable to me and I would not tolerate it and kicked him out, then I was able to truly achieve PMA.

Getting off my soap box...