He's ticking down the MLC checklist

[kjensen]

Hi BPretty,
Thanks for checking out my thread-I just read through yours. A few differences, but definite similarities..One thing I would have you think about as its come up with me and my H : When your H makes ANY effort toward improving your R or marriage, like calling for a MC appointment-notice and appreciate. The things that we may think are "no big deal", can be a major step for some MLCers. Sincere appreciation my be the positive reinforcement they need to continue those helpful behaviors.
In many ways it seems to me that these MLC spouses go back to the teenage years-they may be trying out different personas(like our teenagers do), to see if maybe there is a better fit, a more exciting person to become(just my guess)- so the videogaming, the IMing with the OW fit into that. You have two teenagers so at least that experience may help you deal with your H's changes..
It seems like your H needs to learn skills he was lacking regarding being comfortable with positive and negative communication-hopefully his therapist can help him with learning those skills.
You seem to be doing well considering all that's been dealt to you! I think learning what your boundaries are, having few expectations helps. My DB counselor reminded me that when something seems to be going in a positive direction-EXPECT a cooling off or reverse, because it is truly a rollercoaster ride for them and us(as long as we tag along). It helps to expect a downturn..to be wary of a continual, smooth path back to you and the marriage.
I'll keep checking in-let me know if you have any ideas for me and my sitch to.