I have to comment to you on the whole 'contacting OM or OMW' idea.
I suspected my W of having an EA....she later admitted it. So, I emailed OM a blank email, nothing on it. I heard from W that it scared the crap out of him. Didnt want to risk his marriage and she told me they ended their friendship. Well, that has apparently rekindled and I'm dealing with a lot of crap now. She was really mad at me for contacting him.
So, my suggestion is to contact a friend of the wife. Let her break the news. She needs to know why you are doing this and you have to have absolute proof so that your W doesnt blame you. I think OM W needs to know. Putting OM in the middle of a big lie will make things very difficult for him.
I know how you feel on being talked badly upon. Its the worst feeling. But, you need to know that its not true. She is just trying to justify her feelings, as crazy as they are. In her mind she will make him look like the greatest thing ever and you a chump, therefore, it helps her remove the guilt.
