Other than you and the kids, Sugar, the only person who gets my sympathy is that precious baby. No child deserves to be brought into the world in the midst of lies and deceit. I still think she got pregnant in an effort to force his hand. Her comment to him pretty much confirms that. Too bad for her that it blew up in her face. Cautious optimism is your best course of action right now.
You are amazing and I want to be you when I grow up!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I know you won't let this happen but I will say it anyway - don't back down. Stick to your guns and maintain your boundaries.
Yep, don't have a choice on this one. There is no going back now.
Originally Posted By: tiredandlost
Sugar... Please be careful. Keep your guard up, I would hate hate hate to see him hurt you again. As for her, stay clear of her.
My guard is permanently up. I'm not going into this thing headlong with starry eyes, the time for that is LONG past. Reality is what its all about. As for her, its in everyone's best interest if she and I do not meet face to face anytime soon.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
Set up that counselor appt so you can lay your groundrules. You have so much to think about with the child involved. It would help to have someone else there helping you two set this all up. Keep the hope, and keep praying. If you don't have the Power of the Praying Wife. Now would be a great time to get it. ((((Sugar)))))
Got the book and for right now I'm just trying to keep out of their mess. For right now I'm putting everything on hold, until the initial storm blows over. Because she is being a drama queen, I think its best to just stand back. We have every intention of seeing someone to help us, but while this is all going on, its added tension I'm just not willing to deal with.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
What the last 3 posters said. ^ Especially that "restraining order" part. Seriously.
you know it.
Originally Posted By: karen43
Quote:
She told him that if she knew that it was going to end up this way, she wouldn't have ever had that baby and I guess other equally mean things.
Hmm, having an R and baby with a married man she didn't realize it might not end well???? Zero sympathy from me. And hopefully she didn't actually base having a baby on having an R with your H! She's not going to be getting mom of the year award anytime soon!!!
Frankly I don't think him being married ever really gave her a moments pause. She has only cared about herself and her wants and needs from the beginning, so I'm sure it just never crossed her mind to think it might end, let alone badly. Call me cynical, but I will never believe that she didn't have this baby to keep him. She seems to believe that having that baby and being with him are mutually exclusive. The saddest part is that she only thinks of herself. She is going to use this baby to punish him and I find that really sad.
Originally Posted By: karen43
I totally would feel like you. Yes, now she's getting a taste of what you've gone through. But she chose her difficult path, you never did!!! I do think that text is a good sign though; she's texting you b/c she feels your H slipping away. So that's good, but I wouldn't bother to respond to her.
Thats right, she chose this and now she has to feel the consequences of the choices she has made. I knew that if he really told her, she would start in on me - its been that way since the beginning. I have no plans on responding to her, but shes better served by leaving me alone as I have no patience for her brand of BS and I won't be kind.
Originally Posted By: StrgMarvelousWmn
Other than you and the kids, Sugar, the only person who gets my sympathy is that precious baby. No child deserves to be brought into the world in the midst of lies and deceit. I still think she got pregnant in an effort to force his hand. Her comment to him pretty much confirms that. Too bad for her that it blew up in her face.
My heart also goes out to the baby. She didn't have any choice in this and will someday have to live with the knowledge of how she came to be... I have ALWAYS believed that the pregnancy was no accident and my H has said that he thinks that if she didn't care about what her family thought, she would actually just give the baby to him to raise. I think the "Idea" of having a baby was much more fun than actually having one. DUH.
Originally Posted By: StrgMarvelousWmn
You are amazing and I want to be you when I grow up!
Thanks, but be careful what you wish for.
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
Yeah, she's manipulative and passive aggressive and immature. None of that is news. I am glad your H is following through and agree that MC is better sooner rather than later. I hope his IC is also helping him deal with this. She is poking at you to get a reaction. Don't give her the satisfaction of doing anything. Change your number if you have to. And hang in there.
Yep, she is all those things and a bag of chips...not a news flash to anyone here. I agree about MC just want the initial drama to subside first. His IC helped him get this started so I'm sure he will help him get through it. You would have thought that she had learned her lesson about "poking the bear" but apparently not. I have no reason to poke back, so I won't right now. Thats not to say I might not in the future, but for today...nope. I'm actually doing fine. I am just sitting back and watching the show
Thanks guys!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I want to clarify something - when I said your H will slip up again, I wasn't referring to his R with the Troll (what goes on with her - now, then, or ever - shouldn't even occupy any of your attention/focus). I meant with you and the way you two interact with each other.
It is nice that he seems to be making a real effort this time, but as pointed out, the deadline has passed, and I am certain he will begin to relax....and that's when the old patterns and behavior come back. Those old habits, ya know? I know you know what I'm talking about. You have even stated yourself about the fears you have of not being able to work through the issues (from both sides) that got you both here to begin with.
MC (not just IC) is your only chance at REAL, LASTING change. You HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH. This is something I have learned, the hard way.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
You are so smart being still. There is too much drama there and why on earth would someone want chaos over calm is beyond me. (Hey I was the chaos when he left...crying, begging and all. Oh that is just another pot of beans!!)
keep steady. I am praying for you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I want to clarify something - when I said your H will slip up again, I wasn't referring to his R with the Troll (what goes on with her - now, then, or ever - shouldn't even occupy any of your attention/focus). I meant with you and the way you two interact with each other.
It is nice that he seems to be making a real effort this time, but as pointed out, the deadline has passed, and I am certain he will begin to relax....and that's when the old patterns and behavior come back. Those old habits, ya know? I know you know what I'm talking about. You have even stated yourself about the fears you have of not being able to work through the issues (from both sides) that got you both here to begin with.
MC (not just IC) is your only chance at REAL, LASTING change. You HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH. This is something I have learned, the hard way.
I know exactly what you mean and I know you are right. If there is any chance for us, we will have to do MC in order to break old habits and relearn how to communicate. Its too easy to go back to the familiar and comfortable ways of doing things, but its a death sentence to a R.
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
Can I buy tickets?
Tickets are available at all Vallitix locations and ebay as well.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Tickets are available at all Vallitix locations and ebay as well.
Yay!
Yours my friend are complimentary and we will be in the luxury box reserved for all the DBer's.
There will be drinks and snacks...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
((((Sugar)))))
