I speak with my L first thing tomorrow morning, a telephone conference call.
All she has said so far is that if STBX files a case the first thing the court will do will be to send us to mediation. However I found out last night (in a very interesting dinner meeting, see below) that there's a good chance that because of that totally worthless attempt at voluntary mediation last year, STBX's L might ask for a waiver of court-appointed mediation -- and thus go straight to litigation.
I'm not hopeful in that. And I'm a little perturbed by my own L that she hasn't mentioned that as a possibility herself, that I had to learn this from another party.
Meanwhile my retainer is long since blown (thanks to STBX pulling out at the last second from negotiations for a Separation and Custody Agreement) and writing $500 checks every time I turn around is getting old and very painful. The two hour meeting between our L's on Tuesday burned up the last $500 dollar payment before it even hit my L's books.
If this goes to trial, I am going to be eaten alive just by the legal costs. I've been told by others having gone through this that I can expect my case can cost upwards of $100,000 before all is said and done.
This is costing STBX as well.
The biggest loser in all of this is our S's. I am really worried for their future if both their parents end up so entirely in hock for legal costs. And if STBX get's her way she'll be able to leech part of her expenses off my back. Either way, if this goes to court, my S's will not have anything put into reserve for them for higher education, even if a judge should order me to -- you can't get blood from a stone.
This is all because of a legal system that has my STBXW convinced she is going to automatically prevail in court -- so under those circumstances why should she have to compromise? Right?
I have a friend of mine who is fairly politically active. He and another guy recently founded a political advocacy group for Shared Parenting. I joined their growing group right after its launch but have not been able to attend any of the major functions due to work and child priorities. Last night I met a few of them at a local restaurant to help celebrate their success at getting the state legislature to begin funding special committees to review court custody guidelines in light of the Shared Parenting initiatives growing in other states (whew! run-on sentence, I know!). It is but a start for a very long legislative process, one that will hopefully lead to reforms in custody guidelines and legislation in support of fair and balanced parenting arrangements.
It is in talking with some of these other fathers and mothers (yes, mothers, as second wives get very caught up in this matter, I can tell you) that I heard a lot of horror stories, many of them personal tales. I am a bit in admiration of some of them since they recognize that what they are doing today will not likely bear any fruit in time to help their own situations -- but they do hope this will help future generations, and that is why they persist in this effort.
I feel like a bystander by comparison. I am so caught up right now in my own ordeal. I hope to glean a little insight from them to how all of this system is working or not. Perhaps I can pay it forward myself some day.
