I don't know what she said, but I can guess it was that she wants to move out and remain friends with benefits.
You just did some mind-reading. Then you got yourself in a bad place. You have no idea what she is really thinking yet you let in control your attitude. That's a co-dependent tendency.
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We'll see. I'm very very tired. I can't trust her. So I don't, but I suspect it shows in the way we interact.
It probably does show. Her actions will heal this for you.
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Now she makes it a point to say goodnight. She makes excuses to talk to me via text or email. She is trying to connect and I'm in panic mode because I think she still wants to leave.
Two comments: now you know how bizarre your DBing efforts look to her. And second you are mind reading again and it cost you a opportunity to connect a little - act as if.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
If you ignore her negative beahior it'll swing back to positive just as quickly. They're like chameleons, they can chnage the color of their skin in a second. It's frustrating. Sometimes I resent "acting as if" b/c I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, but now is not the time.
Don't think about how she found the restaurant, that's "living in your head" it will drive you absolutely insane. I do it all the time, and I'm really trying to learn how to stop. I assume all types of things. And you know what they say when you assume. You make an Ass of U and Me. 99% of my assumptions are false, and just my own insecurities making me think the dumbest things. Then I try to rationalize my assumptions, try to figure out a way to make them sound dumb. Like you w/ the restaurant, maybe she went to lunch w/ co-workers , maybe she read about it in the paper and decided to go w/ the girls, maybe she had a meeting there. It doesn't have to be a negative thing. And if you go to her favorite place with all of the negative assumptions running thru your head, you will show it. It'll come across in your posture.
You might use sarcasm and say "So who brough you here that it's suddenly your favorite place", or just have some type of anger and suspicion towards her, and it can ruin an opportunity to connect a lil'. She'll feel the hostility and regret even trying to have a nice evening with you.
If her favorite place meant something special to her with another man, and she knows that man might frequent there, if obviously he took her there, then why would she want to take you there? Why would she want to run the risk of bumping in to someone else with you?
If she's so angry at you why would she want to take you to a place that makes her feel good, especially if it made her feel good with someone else? That would just make her realize how unhappy she is with you and how happy she was when she was there with another. It doesn't make sense from a woman's POV.
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!! It's a dangerous place to be at this time. Trust me I know. I'm trying so hard to STOP thinking so much. We need to learn how to live in the moment.
ENJOY YOUR DATE. SHE'S TAKING YOU. IT'S A SPECIAL PLACE. SHE COULD BE GOING WITH SOMEONE ELSE, BUT SHE'S GOING WITH YOU. SHE LOVES YOU.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I miss you! You never visit my thread anymore!! As a matter of fact, all my guys have deserted me for the most part--You, Mike, Brian, Gforce, Tomato. How am I supposed to feel confident and attractive if men are not paying attention to me! SIGH
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
AJ - I was just having a talk with myself this morning, about this very situation that you have described. I was boohooing (in my HEAD) about a joke email that came into a joint email address my H and I share. I was making up all kinds of craziness regarding why someone would send this to my H. (You guys would all laugh me off the boards if you saw what it was about, and my STUPID line of thinking.) I then, re-read it, and had to give myself the talk about THINKING too much, and creating CRAZINESS that, probably, just isn't there.
SAME thing..
Just so you know... I have TWO new FAVE restaurants that my H hasn't been to yet. I found one at lunch w/girlfriends, and the other while at a local association meeting.
Get in the caboose, Bud! It's quieter back there!
PS - I know I'm not at a great place to offer advice right now, but I can share the chaos of overthinking, creating situations in your mind that never happened, or will happen, etc...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
SMW - I saw them looking at you sideways... must be all of that diet and exercise you're doing! You've gone from a bud to a "WHOA! I shouldn't be looking at her that way!"
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
SMW - I saw them looking at you sideways... must be all of that diet and exercise you're doing! You've gone from a bud to a "WHOA! I shouldn't be looking at her that way!"
LOL thanks MB!! I am feeling good about me and that is such an awesome amazing feeling! I get those sideways looks at the gym, so I always wear my rings, even tough I am afraid of pinching my fingers. I am not a small woman, so the affirmation is wonderful!
Sorry for the threadjack AJ!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
PS - I know I'm not at a great place to offer advice right now, but I can share the chaos of overthinking, creating situations in your mind that never happened, or will happen, etc...
I couldn't have said it better!!!
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I'm human, but you are pointing out the truth. I deeply appreciate it.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks everyone. You're all correct - I'm overthinking when I have no information to think about. Just circumstance.
It hurts and I think 2bpa is correct - its my own insecurities showing through.
<sigh> I must be tired, because that's not me. That's not how I am wired. The jealous and insecure type is certainly never been me and I'm adjusting to fend it off. Takes a lot longer than I give myself credit for I think.
And you're right, this is about new memories. Not old ones.
Thanks for the shot to the jaw. I needed that.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
