Rob, At some point we need to learn to be ourselves and stop playing games. I have decided to be who I am, if H can't accept it then so be it. You don't want to enter another R trying to hold back what you want to do. Think about it. if she can't accept who you really are then what good is is it?
Oh, I'm not being anything but myself when we talk or when I'm with her, but I do think I need to be careful w/how "anxious" I am to talk w/her until we know each other better.
It is kind of like DBing as I need to make sure I can sustain the attraction long enough to let something develop.
However, I am on guard and am being as careful as I can w/this one (and any others in the future as well).
You are smart to be careful, and it sounds like she has an interest,, you seem very aware that you are the walking wounded, but are still trying to move on. You will be fine
I've decided that although I'm quite taken by this one, I'll be sending her an invite for dinner this weekend and if I get nothing, then I'm moving on w/out looking back.
Her loss, not mine.
It has taken a bit to get back into the hang of how to communicate and date again, but the bottom line is to be confident b/c confidence is attractive and appealing. Thus, I'll be attacking it from the angle of "I really don't care" and mean it.
See, the past few weeks have allowed me to do a lot of thinking and talking w/others about dating and the bottom line is being "needy" isn't attractive at all. Makes sense, so now I'll put it into use.
The bad part is being alone has made it easier for me to feel lonely which comes across in the wrong way on dates. So, lessons learned and now it is time to enjoy this period of my life w/confidence and w/little consideration to whether or not I'm liked.
I'm a wonderful catch, so it really would be their loss. Oh, well. Some lucky gal will get a piece of me.
On the other front, XW called tonight after I had hung up w/D asking if I had a DVD of D's at my place b/c she couldn't find it. Well, roughly 1 minute into the call, XW found the DVD, so the "crisis" was averted.
Now, she was very nice about it and wasn't a b*tch at all, but I just have to shake my head and smirk at her finding an excuse to get me on the phone. I answered it b/c I thought D was calling back. She knew I'd answer which is why she called.
I guess standing up to her last week was better for me than I thought.
Hi RTL, please forgive me, I am mostly a lurker and have been reading your thread. I am curious if you ever did anything with the ring or do you still have it? If so, have you considered saving it for your D? I have the diamond my father gave my mother (they are divorced) and I had always planned on giving my S the diamond ring his father gave me to give to his future fiance/wife (I had plans to have my grandmother's diamond reset into a wedding set for me for our 15th anniversary). Now that we're split up, I still plan on giving S my ring some day, and probably his father's wedding band also if my H doesn't want it. I understand the ring may not mean anything to your XW, but maybe your daughter would appreciate it one day? I apologize if you have already sold the ring or if this post is just totally ridiculous to you. I guess it seems silly that I would ignore the rest of your thread and just focus on that one thing, but my wedding ring means so much to me. For a long time, after my H left, I had tied his ring and my ring together with a ribbon. Good luck with everything!
I struggled w/the ring as well, but it is currently being shopped around by a jeweler to try and get the best price. XW was the one who wanted it and she is the one who picked it out, had me buy it, then filed for divorce roughly 5 weeks later. Thus, it has no value other than pain to me.
My wedding ring also meant a lot to me and I kept it on even after the D was filed. I only took it off at the very end when it was clear that not only was my XW not going to consider working on us, but when I realized that although I will always love her, I deserved to be w/someone who loved me and who was ready to face their own problems and issues.
So, I'm hoping to get some money from it shortly which will help close another chapter in our marriage.
Losing my M is sad. Losing my family is sad. Losing my XW is no longer sad. She didn't want to work on us or on herself, so I was fighting a losing, uphill battle.
As much as I didn't like the thought, my only real option was to move forward w/out her and close that chapter of my life. I still have a few pages left on our chapter, but once they are finalized, it will be time for completely new beginnings.
Losing my M is sad. Losing my family is sad. Losing my XW is no longer sad. She didn't want to work on us or on herself, so I was fighting a losing, uphill battle.
I feel this way too.
I am keeping my ring but probably will have the diamonds removed and made into something for the girls when they are adults. I have no idea what xH did with his ring. Don't need to know, really.
You are very right, you deserve someone who can fully love themselves, and you. I think we had those people (I believe our spouses loved us once, still even in some situations) but they changed. More likely, they didn't change, but they just came to crossroads in their lives and they didn't have the proper tools to handle.
You seem well adjusted and wanting new things for yourself. That's great.
I am not sure that keen and excited equates to needy?? For me, as a woman, teh most appealing attractive quality is when a man shows you that he is excited.. that he calls, that he says it was great to see you.. that he is keen and clearly thinking of you, that you have affected him, that he is not afraid to let down his defences and show you his vunerabilities, or stand there naked in his socks and not be shy, that he can admit his weaknesses and that he would love to see you again...
If I were that woman, I;d be more impressed with that, than a 'cool' short text a few days later.
Just my humble opinion !! If I were to go after the Piscean ex now, I would do the OPPOSITE of DBing.. DBing is for the end of an R, or to salvage a broken R, I really dont think its healthy to apply it to the start of an R, when you should throw all caution to the wind and your pants out the window, etc, LOL.
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
