Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[25yearsmlc]

KJ,

understand that I see myself as being a reality check at times. Obviously. And the craziness has to be pointed out at times b/c WE DO lose our perspectives at times when we are so close to the trees we cannot see the forest...

So you know, NO, I don't think you are pathetic or stupid. I DO want you to remember though, who did what and what is really happening here. Yes you made mistakes in the Marriage. We all GET that....YOU GET IT....so that's what matters.

But there are going to be times when you need to tell your H that his take on things is just too off base, too self serving, to let it pass. I felt that this was one of those times. Sure, protect the R with the kids to a point - I mean I would not support you lying for him...but saying nothing about ow, yeah I'm fine with that. If he continues with OW and they ask you I'd say "ask your dad" - but other than that, yes, I'd leave it alone. STILL, for HIM to complain and not own any of this, was Just TOO CRAZY for me.

Sometimes, you gotta call them on it when their view point is sooo offffff, and you can do it gently or with humor or very briefly. But you need to do it now and then and say, "let me get this straight--h, you are complaining to ME about....." (honestly, I DID think it was so crazy that it was funny...but yeah, if I were you, it'd take a bit longer to see the humor in this....yeah, like a lot longer....)

But if you say something, do it and then let it go. & He needs to learn to shut up too. He created most of this situation, and that is NOT YOUR responsibility, and I think I see some enabling going on here. How much does it help HIM to have you enable him to stay mired in his muck and not work anything out on his own? I don't know the answer to that, but it's worth asking.

The great news is that your d's also see work on the M going on, at least at your end and they know he has issues... so there won't be total shock if things don't improve fast, or ever. Seems the worst things for kids is when the parents hide it ALL until it is a fait accompli and then the kids think their world view has been so off for years that they no longer trust their judgement on anything.

Good luck
(( j ))