Smiley....your situation is kind of all over the map right now, which I do believe is because of your wife's EA. I don't think she has any clue as to what she wants or what she is doing. She is apparently in th midst of an MLC or some kind of manic episode...but in her mind, (as with all MLC'ers), it is all your fault that she is being this way. So your sitch is a difficult one to DB...but every time I read your updates I do see tiny clues here and there that she *might* have some kind of real breakthrough. And by that I mean, a personal breakthrough of her own, where she may become more clear about her own life and what is going on, and stop being so up-and-down-here-and-there. But this is still something that she will have to come to herself.
SP - I can tell you one horrible truth that might apply to your sitch. IF YOU DID kiss her, and if it did then turn into more (ie: sex or close to it), she will likely only be doing it because she is so worked up over her EA guy in her mind that she will enjoy being physical, but she may be fantasizing about him and not be present there with you.
Therefore, I would not recommend that you do pursue her that way at all, even if she seems open to it. From what you are describing of her school girl crush on Peter Pan, then she is too wrapped up in that fantasy to really *be* with *you*.
In my case, and in the quote of mine you posted, I was straight up telling my ex-h to please pursue me and date me. In the 6 months we were separated, we had sex once and it was because I initiated it. I wanted more but I wanted him to step up and try to show me he wanted me. But ... when he searched his heart fully inside and out, he found he really *didn't* want me. Even though I was the one who left, it was actually him who wanted out. And after all we had been through and all I had put him through, I do understand why he didn't want me that way. To him, it would have felt like he was disrespecting himself to *go after* me. So I'm just sharing this with you to show you that this is totally different than your sitch, so you can't assume your wife feels anything like I did.
Your DB coach advice seems so spot on for your sitch, when you post about what he has had to say. So I've been reading along and praying that you do find resolution with her. I doubt I can add any advice to your sitch, other than, be VERY WARY of physical intimacy with her, as she is likely fantasizing about Peter.
