I do think adding the "loving" part is important in that you can't just come across as a total DIKK to a WAS -- they have to still feel loved, and not just judged.
I don't agree with that. It is when they WONDER if they have possilby LOST your love is when you can turn it around.
Regarding the DIKK.. Hard to say if that is true or not from this site. We certainly don't have that issue. I do believe however that it is always good to be nice. It needs to be done in a way that shows you are nice because you are strong enough in yourself and your self esteem that it isn't going to crush you. You will be just fine without her. I certainly wouldn't be bringing up "love" to my wife or any woman who wanted another man. If I did, it would be in the context of "did love, but am not sure how I feel now".. (seems to work quite well for the WS when they say it and doesn't stop the BS.)(Actually does quite the opposite from my research)
Quote:
Here's one of the other problems I'm seeing men, in particular, struggling with here: that's this concept of "I can't pull away, because her complaint is that I pulled away too much throughout the marriage." The problem with that is twofold:
Yep. I see this all the time too. This give them an excuse to keep pursuing and chasing. Puppy, the facts are that most of these women are interested in OM. All else is a side show to keep the BS off the trail. We allow these men on here to get us talking to them about what she was complaining about and how overcome them with something witty or smart... The answer is the same. "I will not share with another man and there is nothing to talk about except when you are moving out" (until that is resolved you are grasping at straws)
You can still make the changes that need to be made. Silently. Be nice when SHE calls you. However.. STAND STRONG on the main issue...
We would see much more success with those stances. (see Pearl's thread for an example of what happens.)
