Your husband is very much a Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. One side of the personality is very nice; the other is very mean. We all have at least the two sides within us, but most have learned to control the behavior of the vicious side by adulthood. And probably, outside of the house, your husband does control it, but he doesn't feel a need to do that at home. Of course, his behavior is wrong. And he could be helped with IC to become aware of the bad behavior he displays. But, I also know that he is not likely to go.
How do you know he won't cut you off financially? That's why marriage is a legal institution. The state has a body of rules to protect you from his wrath if you divorce. It is there to protect you.
What you said to him last night was perfect. There is one adult in your house, and you are it. I wish I knew how to change a 200 pound child into an adult, but I am clueless there. Perhaps talking to an attorney about what your safety net is would help you to feel more secure.