Changing routine seems to bother W a lot. This morning I didn't bring the kids to the daycare like I usually do, took them straight to school. She started text-messaging asking if they were sick or something. I just said - nope, took them myself. She didn't reply.
Ordered a new car seat which should arrive today. Have my own diaper bag, diapers, clothes, etc. Signing affidavit this morning to support psych eval. All of a sudden I'm going to cut her off routine-wise and outside of passing D1 back and forth during custody swaps, and going dark outside of communication about D1 via text-message.
With an ongoing A, possible mental health problems, and the fact that said A is being rubbed in my face by W at this point. I think it is pretty clear I need to move on towards the D.
My M means a lot to me... my engagement where I searched around the country for the perfect ring, she loves dolphins and I found a ring that had dolphins molded into the band. I proposed on one knee, with two glasses of wine in front of my fireplace as we danced to our song. Prior to our wedding I spent six months exercising and losing 50 lbs so that I would look great for her during the wedding and honeymoon. Our honeymoon, where we spent the week on the beach, just having a great time, and we went to an aquarium where she got to touch a dolphin for the first time. We worked on making a baby after being married for a year... her excitement as she explained taking her temperature and which point of her cycle she was at, cervical mucous, and all sorts of nasty crap she was overly excited about. Sitting in the delivery room, me and the nurse helping her push, and cutting the umbilical cord of D1... and now this... she is throwing it all away for a guy who lives with his parents and is an alcoholic who doesn't even want kids, is just having a grand old time. And she seems keen on rubbing that in my face, and wanting me to be upset.
And I am... just not openly. I'm not going to fall apart for her. I'm not going to beg, or plead, or whine, or whatever she is expecting. I'm going to let her go, because I love her, and because I have no control over what she does. The only thing I require out of a relationship is for the other person to choose to love me, and for us to work on that. If my therapist is correct - W will be going downhill from here mentally. And I can't have her in a position where she is abusing my children emotionally with her behavior.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
