Well, here I am

[lynn08]

I decided instead of journaling and over analyzing I would take some time to reflect on the things that I have accomplished since H and I separated;

-I do not initiate any phone calls or texts. I don't answer every call and I take my time returning his calls.

-I do not accept every invitation

-Ive stopped thinking about him every second and stopped obsessing about what he may or may not be doing

-I stopped feeling like I could not live without him

-I am always in a pleasant happy mood when he calls, even when he is in a bad mood; I don't allow it to dictate MY mood anymore

-Started attending church on a weekly basis again (like I did before I met H) he always seemed to talk me out of going. How could I allow that to happen? I don't know

-Started exercising again to tone up and become healthier

-Picked up some new hobbies & volunteer with adoptions for the animal shelter

-Learned how to cook for ONE and cook healthy

-Can attend a movie BY MYSELF!

-I pray alot more and give everything to God

-Attended a concert by myself and had a blast

-I have more confidence

-I have bigger goals

-I have rediscovered MY own interests and opinions, not just adopting to H's.

-I refuse to let him walk all over me and have put him in his place several times

-I FEEL like I will be fine on my own if that is what is meant for me. For the first time in my life, I am not afraid to be alone

-I have learned to lighten up and not get so mad so fast

-I have more patience....LOTS AND LOTS of patience.

Those are just some things I can think of for now. I love my H and I would give anything for our M to work, but the reality is that it may not. DBing is the best thing that could have happened to me because it has allowed me to look at myself and improve many things in my life. I feel good.

[FitChik]

Wow Jenn! I am so happy for you. That is a huge list of accomplishments and self discoveries. You sound incredibly happy. Your hard work has paid off and will continue to do so. I will keep you and your M in my prayers. Enjoy the weekend :-)

[lynn08]

Thanks fit! I especially appreciate the prayers!

Well I made it the WHOLE weekend with NC. I have not been initiating contact for quite some time (2 months or so) however I was answering almost all of his calls and responding to texts fast. Now I know not to do that!

He actually never tried to call or text me anyway which did make it easier. Its actually nice in a way. If I don't talk to him I don't have to over analyze or get disappointed. I just take care of myself and that is it.

My goal is 3 weeks of NC. Im trying out LRT/Going dark since its the last trick in the bag!

[lynn08]

Ok well the NC thing is on hold for right now. I had a very unpleasant discovery.

I had a suspicious little pink mole removed 2 weeks ago and I found out yesterday that I have melanoma. Luckily its in stage one and my surgery is scheduled for Monday. I had to call H, of course to tell him and ask him to help me on my surgery day. He has been an ok support. Not as much as I would like of course, but at least he is being nice to me on the phone.

Im really scared. I have no family here and I just need some comfort right now. I know H isnt going to call and check on me like my friends and family have been, but part of me thinks how selfish of him. Cant we put our differences aside for a week until I find out how bad the cancer is? Cant he just be there for me? He knows how freaked out I am and that I am sitting alone in this house. This is truly a test and it definitely showing me H's true colors.

Anyway I just ask for prayers. i can never have too many. thanks everyone

[MrBond]

Oh Jenn,

My strongest prayers are heading your way. Don't think about the H. Just think about taking care of yourself.

You're never alone when you love the person you're with.

And God looks over us all.

You stay strong girl! {{{HUGS}}}

[lynn08]

Thank you stuck I really appreciate that. Im just so frustrated right now. Sucks being alone during something like this, but your right, i always have god watching over me

[FitChik]

I'm praying for you Jenn. I know God will watch over you and keep you safe. I am sorry you feel so alone. I know you are a strong woman and everything is going to be ok.

[lynn08]

Thank you fit, I appreciate that very much!

[lynn08]

What should I do?? (Stuck, are u out there?)

So H showed up @ the house last night around 11 pm with not just an overnight bag, but ALL his stuff. Him and his mom had a huge falling out and she kicked him out. So he is back in our house now ("temporarily"). Please give me some advice on how to act. He's been gone 2 mths and I don't know how I feel about him being back. Especially cause its not because he WANTS to be back.

I was doing so well moving forward, I'm so afraid this will set me back emotionally.

[mindfull]

Jenn... wow! Is he financially ok to stay somewhere else?

What did you do when he arrived?