I do respect how you feel about this as I'm sure you respect how I feel about it as well. I'm sure we both have the best interest of the kids in mind. I have given a lot of thought about the 50/50 parenting agreement you suggested. I think our parenting time schedule should be where the boys will be with me starting with breakfast Sat, Sun and Mon and you will pick them up from school/daycare for Tues, Weds, and Thurs. We will alternate every Friday (picking them up from school/daycare).
I was debating to mention something about each of us taking the time and space to heal our hurt and our issues. I'm still trying to figure out how to really phrase that part. Any suggestions?
I'm not sure about this schedule. You need to have time for yourself to GAL on the weekends during this process. Having the kids every Sat. and Sun. might be too much for you after awhile . Which could lead to more resentment.
The schedule that my former spouse and I came up with was; she would have her Sun night, Mon, Tues I would have her Wed Thurs. Then we rotated weekends. That schedule got too difficult for me because I would not see my daughter for 5 days from Fri - Tues. So we then started rotating days. I would have her Mon, Tues and then she would have her Wed, Thurs and then I would have her that weekend Fri-Sun night. Then we'd switch and she'd hv her Mon, tues then that next wkend. But, that schedule got tough as well keeping tract of days so now we are on another set schedule where I have her Tues and Thurs and every other weekend. She has her Mon Wed and every other wkend. She has been keeping her overnight on Sun which I might try switching. The bottom line is any schedule u come up w it sux because yr not always w yr kids but we have to accept where there at and the life they are choosing.
Now back to your sitch. I think you should start out my validating where she's at by saying that you think for now it would be best for both of us to have our seperate living arrangements. You have said that you are still hurting which I totally understand and need to have your own space to heal. I personally feel the same way and would like to have my space and time as well (This will take some power away from her and let her know that u have feelings as well and this is NOT just about her). I would then go on to say so I think we can agree on the following schedule. What do u think? And then compromise... Validate.... Empathize...
You might even say that the kids are very lucky to have such great loving and caring parents that want nothing but the best for them. In order to be at our best we need to both be strong and not hurting. Sometimes it's necessary to be alone to work on these issues and to learn to really appreciate all that God has blessed us with.
