I disagree -- I don't think I'm putting undue weight on them. I think I was pretty clear that I'm taking them only at face value -- no more or no less valid than her bizzaro rant this a.m.
But I find the suggestion itself curious. Because it was never a suggestion I made.
SP,
If you disagree, then I challenge you to go back and read your last 20 posts on the boards. You're an empirical guy; count how many times you mention "she", "her" and "my wife" vs. "me" and "I".
You are still WAY too focused on her, putting WAY too much emphasis on what she says, and I'm not seeing hardly anything about you, your goals, your interests or your plans.
I agree puppy. I think he is way to focused on her. He should be getting on with his plans of life without her.
He seems to hang on to anything positive she might say that gives him some hope or possibility of her changing her mind. He should not be interested in her plans at all IMO. Let her get on with it. He has to realise he has no control over this situation. There is not a gosh darned thing he can say that is going to make her stop and look up to the heavens and say .....My how foolish I have been !
The only thing that might make her slow up is detaching, disinterest and indifference. Thats a tall order but I see no other way. Nothing vengeful or ugly in this. Just real life consequenses for WAS
One day she is saying what have I done and the next she says it's over, maybe let's be friends. I know we can't read into this but there has to be more to this than that.
Should they have the talk?
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
No. The answer on the talk was an excellent one. They set a date for the walk instead. He should stick to the plan. Waffling is the worst of all alternatives.
I'm not seeing hardly anything about you, your goals, your interests or your plans.
And a pleasant good morning. Glad to see you all.
Puppy wrote the bit I quoted above. Puppy, you too are an empirical guy. So let's explore the observed phenom and offer some hypotheses, shall we?
H1: I am over-focused on WAW and have not detached, made "goals...interests...plans."
H2: I have simply not written about "goals...interests....plans" and have elected instead simply to explore on this forum the vicissitudes of Life with WAW.
You mustered some evidence in support of H1. What evidence is there for H2?
Throughout this thread and its predecessor, I have referred from time-to-time to my GAL activities. They don't occupy much of my thinking because there's nothing controversial or (projecting audience) particularly interesting about them. Let me recap:
Since I started DB'ing around the end of February:
[*]11 lunches with colleagues [*]Planned a 4-day Route 66 roadtrip with 3 buddies and 2 Corvettes for next month [*]Started playing tennis [*]Started dancing at Arthur Murray (thanks DanceQueen) [*]Spent a mortgage payment or two on new rags, shoes, and smell-sweet-sh*t [*]Started writing a book (March 1) [*]Got contract for book I started writing (March 21) [*]Booked speaking engagement for (American) political party meeting to promote book I got contract for [*]Met with local college dean to arrange summer teaching assignments for summer 2010 (this summer already scheduled) [*]Local college professor colleague asked me to guest-lecture 3 times in her class this term -- accepted [*]2 meetings on possible job changes which will include higher salaries but comparable time demands (vis-a-vis children) [*]Rented Digital SLR to think-through (feel-through?) idea of taking up old high school photography hobby again (time and equipment costs are major considerations) [*]Started traditional army calisthenics program as prep for gym membership [*]Started volunteering 3 hours/week for a organization focused on learning-disabled students [*]Spent a lot of time recently researching cancer treatments (perhaps a Lose-a-Life activity, but you get the point) [*]Individual counseling (pre-dates D-bomb, but maintaining) [*]Lots of reading in self-help domain, esp. re: relationships (planning for the next-ex-Mrs. SP) and personal financial development [*]Attending a party in Childhood Hometown in spring with classmates from grammar, middle, and high school (should be an eye-opener) who I have been reconnecting with via Facebook since DB'ing began (the Facebook giveth, the Facebook taketh away) [*]Summer trip booked for July with just me and the kids [*]Trip booked 2 days ago to Never-Been-To Destination in eastern Europe for just me at end of August [*]Offered an opportunity to present a paper to a major professional conference in September -- haven't decided Y/N yet, as writing a paper is a LOT of work -- but did volunteer to chair panel or serve as a discussant
Now I know that these things are not as significant as musing about WAW's behavior here on the DB boards, but they're a start -- don't you think?
And, though it goes from the sublime to the ridiculous, might have added:
[*]Got "real" hairdresser to replace octogenarian (but good guy) barber [*]Got teeth whitened so as to appeal to the many lovelies in town (psst -- don't tell her, but maybe to WAW too?) [*]Went from 34 waist trouser to 33 waist trouser
But again, this all pales in comparison to "what do you wise people think WAW means by this?".
Awesome! I know what you mean about that stuff seeming not to matter to folks here. Human nature drives us to focus on the drama and negative stuff. While I feel detached emotionally, I still have too much focus on what the wife is doing on is going to do.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I'm not seeing hardly anything about you, your goals, your interests or your plans.
And a pleasant good morning. Glad to see you all.
Puppy wrote the bit I quoted above. Puppy, you too are an empirical guy. So let's explore the observed phenom and offer some hypotheses, shall we?
H1: I am over-focused on WAW and have not detached, made "goals...interests...plans."
H2: I have simply not written about "goals...interests....plans" and have elected instead simply to explore on this forum the vicissitudes of Life with WAW.
You mustered some evidence in support of H1. What evidence is there for H2?
Throughout this thread and its predecessor, I have referred from time-to-time to my GAL activities. They don't occupy much of my thinking because there's nothing controversial or (projecting audience) particularly interesting about them. Let me recap:
Since I started DB'ing around the end of February:
[*]11 lunches with colleagues [*]Planned a 4-day Route 66 roadtrip with 3 buddies and 2 Corvettes for next month [*]Started playing tennis [*]Started dancing at Arthur Murray (thanks DanceQueen) [*]Spent a mortgage payment or two on new rags, shoes, and smell-sweet-sh*t [*]Started writing a book (March 1) [*]Got contract for book I started writing (March 21) [*]Booked speaking engagement for (American) political party meeting to promote book I got contract for [*]Met with local college dean to arrange summer teaching assignments for summer 2010 (this summer already scheduled) [*]Local college professor colleague asked me to guest-lecture 3 times in her class this term -- accepted [*]2 meetings on possible job changes which will include higher salaries but comparable time demands (vis-a-vis children) [*]Rented Digital SLR to think-through (feel-through?) idea of taking up old high school photography hobby again (time and equipment costs are major considerations) [*]Started traditional army calisthenics program as prep for gym membership [*]Started volunteering 3 hours/week for a organization focused on learning-disabled students [*]Spent a lot of time recently researching cancer treatments (perhaps a Lose-a-Life activity, but you get the point) [*]Individual counseling (pre-dates D-bomb, but maintaining) [*]Lots of reading in self-help domain, esp. re: relationships (planning for the next-ex-Mrs. SP) and personal financial development [*]Attending a party in Childhood Hometown in spring with classmates from grammar, middle, and high school (should be an eye-opener) who I have been reconnecting with via Facebook since DB'ing began (the Facebook giveth, the Facebook taketh away) [*]Summer trip booked for July with just me and the kids [*]Trip booked 2 days ago to Never-Been-To Destination in eastern Europe for just me at end of August [*]Offered an opportunity to present a paper to a major professional conference in September -- haven't decided Y/N yet, as writing a paper is a LOT of work -- but did volunteer to chair panel or serve as a discussant
Now I know that these things are not as significant as musing about WAW's behavior here on the DB boards, but they're a start -- don't you think?
And, though it goes from the sublime to the ridiculous, might have added:
[*]Got "real" hairdresser to replace octogenarian (but good guy) barber [*]Got teeth whitened so as to appeal to the many lovelies in town (psst -- don't tell her, but maybe to WAW too?) [*]Went from 34 waist trouser to 33 waist trouser
But again, this all pales in comparison to "what do you wise people think WAW means by this?".
I know you're trying to be funny, SP, but I wonder if this same snide sarcasm and need to be right all the time comes thru to your wife.
Signed,
Puppy -- who's well-known to drip with snide sarcasm, and a BIG need to be right all the time, and whose wife has noticed/complained about it
That's actually not anything she ever complained about, even in the best of times. For whatever reason, from the word "get-go" lo these 22 years ago, I never deployed the sarcasm against her -- though certainly against others in social situations, much to her amusement. I'm only ever "mean" when I review book manuscripts and journal articles -- the rest of the time it's deployed in jest.
But this, of course, is the problem with text-based interfaces, viz e-mail, etc.
And as I think on it, this is a point that perhaps bears some further discussion. One encounters an awful lot of tea-leaf reading in posts around here, with lots of inferences drawn about "what" s/he is thinking about, or what the mind-frame of this or that poster is, and there's a risk -- as evidenced here -- of over-drawing inferences based on a limited amount of text and an absolutely one-sided recounting of events.
Speaking only for myself, I must remember to caution myself not to go beyond what people post and import a host of assumptions.
