Healing my Heart part 7

[fightingirish]

Well just as things were going "ok" BAM... yet another drama lurking in the wing. Be warned this is a vent..

H and I got into a heated argument about something, and because I didn't give my opinon to him right away, he assumed the worst. I was actually in the middle of reading on the computer about this migraine med that the dr. wants to put me on, so I was half listening to him. Anyway, I did answer him but then accused me of lying about my opinion just to shut him up... WTH?????

He blew up at me, I mean he said every mean thing he could to me, put me down, and at the end for the finale he said that he could just wipe my name off of the bank account and i would have nothing..... We've heard this from him before.

I kept my cool (yea imagine that) and said you are just a mean, selfish person, and Im tired of you putting me down and holding the bank account crap over my head. Then I went upstairs.

Do any of you guys just get tired of fighting the fight? I mean, he blames me for everything and anything possible. Be it the kids, money the house, whatever.. meanwhile, I take care of the Business, the business bills, personal bills, the kids and the houue. He really does not appreciate anything I do, and mearly am here to wait on him and clean up after him.

Ok, and when I ask myself why I stay, well you all know the answer. My kids. Yes Unfortunately I do love the man, but not the ugly one that comes out and tears me down.

I can't win this battle..Im not looking for answers because there just isn't any. He really doesn't "like" me I don't think. Im just an Convenience for him and he knows it. He knows I will do what it takes to run the business and the house, and I think he takes big time advantage of that.

I said nothing to him this morning, he said goodbye to me, but it was forced and just another tool for him to say "well I said goodbye"... I know him only too well that he uses that crap against me. I don't buy it anymore. How can I trust him not to just leave me with nothing, to be on the street. He can't possibly care about me at all if he keeps on threatening this crap, why does he stay??? This is like torture.. he's torturing me maybe so I will leave??

I know its just messed up.

You guys are all I got. I don't speak to my gf anymore about what's going on, because Im trying to help her keep her M.. she doesn't need to hear about my problems.

We will see what the day brings. He will be out most of the day, which is good. Will not call him for any reason, only text if it is business related. I don't want to talk to him.

God give me strength.