Learn from me - even when you think you are detaching and giving you S space, you are probably not. He probably needs even more space in order to really pick up the rope himself.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Sounds like things are improving. A roller coaster and it sux, but improving just the same.
Can I make a suggestion? Take a look back and see how things have changed. I think you'll be surprised where you were vs. where you seem to be now.
I also think that keeping some of that distance is good, but be careful to not let your hurt get in the way. You two are dating in some respects and I think you are getting to know each other.
Keep in mind that your old marriage is dead. You are now working on a new relationship. To do that, you have to work on you, remember. You can't be the old you. He'll have to work on him. He can't be the old him any more. You two have new memories to make.
I'm encouraged to read this. I think you must be having all kinds of doubts, yet I have so much respect for how you are handling it on the outside. You're a very strong person and you're also very smart. You're just struggling for perspective which is incredibly hard to gain when you're this close and that hurt.
Hang in there and enjoy the time you have to yourself.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hey Everyone I'm ok. We had four FABULOUS days starting last Friday. I was at home with him Friday-Monday night. Then on Tuesday, not a word from him until 7:30 at night. Found out the stupid ex-OW called him and they were on phone because she needs "help with her career." Whatever. He didn't even come over to see S because he was on the phone with her. We talked today and I let him know I was disappointed. We had four great days in a row and then she calls and there's not even a sound from him until AFTER he gets off the phone with her. He said he did not blow us off because he was talking to her but that he just needed to get home and go to bed. Whatever. He also says she's leaving town soon and he's encouraging her to leave. Once again whatever. I was in a much worse mood. I've lightened up a bit. H is picking S up today from daycare. I was going to go to yoga, but there's rain rain rain here so I think I'm going to work out at home after work and then eat soup, grilled cheese and oreos. Odd, how excited I am about that.
Remember - he TOLD you that the OW called him. (at least I think that's how you found out). He did not lie or try to hide it. That's a good thing. It means he is open to you. If you read "Not just Friends" it talks about windows and doors. During the EA, he built a wall between you and him, and opened a window to OW. Now he is building a wall between OW and him, and opening the window to you. Both take time, but he is moving in the right direction.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
