Just observing and learning.......(but since you asked )
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But not the first week. Not after he has already told me he's not spending time with her only for me to show up and find them standing side by side.
Yep. Good. I agree
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I am holding out for proof through his actions that he is done with her. If he is so weak that he can't last one week without seeing her on his own, without using me as a crutch, then he is not the man for me.
Smart, wise. Exactly as I would recommend
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I know I caused our problems. But I can't get to the point of working on them until I know that he really wants to be here. He said many times that he only stayed with me for the past 5+ years because it was easy and convenient for him. It's not going to be easy and convenient anymore. I don't want to go out of my way to make it difficult, I just know that it's going to take a lot of hard work and effort on both of our parts. I am not going to take the pressure off him so early in the process. He needs to work at it starting right now.
The only thing I don't agree with here is the "work" part. I don't view it as "work" to have a relationship with my wife. I view it as a great joy and privledge to have and be with my wife. Love works best when it is FREELY given and when the betrayed knows how to PULL IT AWAY if taken advantage of. Pearl has done an excellent job in this regard. This is why he has been turning around. She is right in being cautious here. IF he makes the right moves, then there is no doubt that she will WANT to do her part. I am glad to see that she knows and acknowledges this.
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I think this has been a long and difficult decision to make and I can only see it working one way in my mind. I'm ready to go with the flow in the future, but it has to start out on the right foot or else I don't see it working.
Correct and wise. Good thinking. Mature.
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Plus I don't want to risk losing myself again. I know what I want and I'm not willing to settle for less.
BINGO.... Anybody reading this statement? Strong, confident and wise. NEVER settle for less. Far too many on this site are settling for less than what they want. How sad. There are at least 15 men posting on this site right now settling for less than what they want because they are scared to stand up and show their wife that they will NOT tolerate someone who wants out. All doing basically the same thing with the same result. The blind leading the blind. They can't see how a strong stance of saying "enough" works far far better. As they continue to whine and complain and wave in the wind hoping that their WS will come back to them. O for 15 at the moment. Not good results in my opinion. Settling for less and willingly. Doing what isn't working. Not enough advice from successful men who know why you shouldn't be doing the things they are doing. Most of them have spouses interested in someone else and can't or won't face that truth. They have bought into a lie and are believing that she is "depressed or hurt" or any number of other excuses that aren't really the facts. The facts are that she has her mind on another man. Plain and simple. We can't talk about that though. I have been doing this for 20 plus years and I have still not seen how men can believe that chasing and hanging around trying to win a woman that doesn't want you works. IT DOESN'T. The woman just can NOT respect you and love you when she is showing a man that she is doing everything in her power to let him down easy,and yet he refuses to show her that he can and WILL let her go. When he does, is when he has his best chance to get her back. I have seen it again and again and again. Of course, why would we do what works huh?
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Valid point 2gether and Puppy, but I'm just not willing to go that far. If that's what he needs, then so be it. I do not want to start out with me giving something up for him. As far as I'm concerned, he is still the one who has to prove he is ready for the work. If he is going to be derailed so quickly and easily then it's better to know now. I need to feel like he is willing to do whatever it takes to earn back my trust before I lavish my time and attention on him.
He has already responded to my message with: Ok – any particular time on Sunday?
Good. Very good. Healthy. This is why you have such a good chance of this working.
All in all.... Very, very good job in knowing how to pull a man back to you. (you were wavering there for awhile, but you seem to have righted your ship)
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