Um, just a thought, but I think you should leave his and the children's relationship up to them. Stop trying to work with them in seeing his actions apart from him. He, after all, may be the person his actions are showing.
Take care, and praying for you that there is a painless resolution in this ... SOON.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
You do make a good point, as I agree their relationship with him, is up to them. It's the anger they are carrying with them, that I am trying to help them with. They can't go to their counselors, they need an adult to take them, and Dick isn't allowing it, the court isn't ordering it, and my hands are tied for now. I am trying to do the best I can with what little knowledge I have.
For this moment (until I learn better) I am falling back on my own experiences, trying to remember anything that would have helped me back when I was a teen. My Mother and I had a difficult relationship, and often I resented the way she treated me. I know now the anger did not do me any good, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I remember when I finally learned to separate her behavior from the person, it was easier for me to coexist with our relationship and with each other. Yes, I understand what works for some, won't always work for others, and most importantly, I was much older than they, when I finally came to the conclusions I had made. However, I did struggle for a long time with the bad and angry feelings, which didn't do a whole lot for my own self esteem, and way I looked at life.
I am trying to tread lightly, for I don't want to make the situation more difficult, or even worse, create more harm and cause more scars for the kids. It could be said that I'm trying to control the situation still... this is something I will have to think long and hard about before making another step.
I want to ease their pain, soften their anger, so they will be able to their focus on the life they have before them, instead of the anger and resentment they feel because of Dick. After All, this should be some of the most carefree, enjoyable times in their lives.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Dick's manipulation will backfire. Time is unfortunately the key to this mess. Soon the kids will see him for the dick he really is.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My dear friend, I'm very happy to see the house passed the inspection. I knew it would, for you are a cleaner top to bottom. Sweetie, a house isn't clean 24/7 because it is a home, not a show place. We all have those days when the dust bunnies pop out to roll around.
Take care of yourself and allow others to be there to help you. What goes around, comes around and it always does. I have faith in the man upstairs when it comes to this particular situation.
Your children and your xh will need to learn how to deal w/their situation for there is nothing you can do to resolve it.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My vehicle tags are due.... but as usual, I can't go to the tag/license office to renew my tag. Why? Because I find a tax lien on my tags. This means the taxes from 2005, 2006, and 2007 (partial year for 2007) haven't been paid.... oh, I paid 2004, and Dick was supposed to pay me back, but that didn't happen. Anyway, Dick claims the taxes aren't his because he filed for bankruptcy... although the divorce paperwork clearly states he is the one who is responsible for these taxes, and if they aren't paid within 30 days of being due, this is will be considered contemptuous behavior, and he will be responsible for all taxes, interest, penalties and my attorney fees in order to have them paid.
There is a Sheriff's warrant out for these taxes too... but guess who they find.
That's right, me.
Not only that, but I was stopped for my expired tags... even with paperwork in hand, showing the taxes, the divorce paperwork which states they are Dick's responsibility, I get my vehicle towed. Oh, I've been working on this with the tax/deeds/tag people for the past month, trying to get this situation straightened out, but as with everything, it all takes time, and it's not on my time table.
Now, guess who is talking to D about her poor Mother who has her vehicle impounded the very next day? That's right... Dick, and he's in California. Does this show anyone that this man is stalking me? It's rather obvious isn't it. He spends more time watching my every move than I do. He knows more of what is going on here, or so he thinks, He hasn't a clue where is son has been the last two weekends, nor has he even called him, BUT he knows what is going on with me.... Ya, now tell me this custody BS has anything to do with the children's health and well being.
I just want to scream at the top of my lungs "Wake up people, and look what is going on here!" Do you think the Judge can see, do you think anyone in authority can see? No... they are just puppets in Dick's manipulations.
The man wastes too much time trying to get to me, trying to destroy me. It's truly sick.... and all I want is out, and the right to live my life with my children.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Someone is on his payroll. How is it he knows your every move? Someone is keeping tabs on you. Have you noticed anyone around you a lot?
I'd be concerned about that, if I were you. Someone is telling him everything you are doing and no, he's not worried about the kids...he's more concerned about you. You are a threat to him and he wants to know what you are doing. For what purpose? Who the heck knows, but it's not about the kids.
Please be careful.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you, but this is something I'm still trying to understand.... how and why am I still a threat to him? I don't care to expose him, he can live the life of denial all he wants. I don't care to accept his (cherished) money, he can keep his child support. I don't care to contact him, I don't wish him any harm.... well, except for the hours following a court hearing, when I feel he needs to beheaded, LOL. He has a rather nice life before him, yet, he chooses to remain in the past with some need for revenge and/or to destroy me. Why?
I understand that I do know the truth, and am probably the only who can truly expose his true past and what he has done. I realize I am the one he "vents" his building or built up tension on.... I see the cycle. But he lives in California, I don't have the time, nor the desire to expose him for who he is for the people out there.... I just don't care enough about the broken past, all I want is a comfortable future, one the kids and I have been dreaming about. We've been forced to change our dreams and plans so often because of the havoc he has created in our lives. I just don't understand why, what purpose does it serve?
For some reason, I feel if I can find an answer to my question(s) I can put a stop to all of this nonsense.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Laughing, The problem is this...your xh husband doesn't want you to have a future or dreams of you and your children living happily ever after. He screwed up royally, his family is all screwed up, therefore, he's not happy and he sure as h@ll doesn't want to see you and the kids happy either. He's a miserable individual and he's going to make sure that you and the kids pay for his misery as well.
Laughing, it doesn't matter how long you've been divorced. God forbid me for saying this, but you'll not be rid of him until he's six feet under. He's one of those types that will hunt you down just to make you miserable and doubt yourself until you go completely crazy. I hate to say this, but the man is showing NPD and I swear, he's doing exactly what the professionals have said about them...you can't run away from them fast enough, nor will you escape their wrath. Laughing, go back and do your homework...it's a NPD and you need to read up on that. When they turn on you, they make it their life's mission to destroy you. They see you as they enemy.
You must remember, it's not about money or the fact that you are not asking for anything...it's about him and what he perceives you are doing...you have turned the children against him, you've ruined his ego and who knows...your face may haunt his dreams. All he knows is that you are behind all of his misery. I know you think otherwise, but this is a very sick, sneaky, manipulative, controlling man. He's got someone in his pocket in your town. You've got to make a move and get the heck out of that town, somewhere new, where no one knows him or the situation. If you don't, I shutter to think what may happen to you.
Are there any support groups in your area for women who have been abused? You need to find out and seek counsel there. Your answers are there, Laughing. You need help and the only way to get it is to seek it in the most unlikely place right now...a woman's shelter. They've seen it all and maybe help you find a way out from under his controlling ways. Do not let pride keep you from contacting them. Pick that phone up and call them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
