Now what do I do?

[PortlandDad]

Meli,

Antlers has some good advice, but I'm not real hot on the idea about professing undying love and devotion when you talk to him. That kind of talk can very easily be viewed as pursuing behavior, and the one thing that turns off a WAS is the thought that you are pursuing.

In fact, unless he asks what you want, I would probably not say anything. As antlers suggests, just validate his feelings; make direct eye contact when he talks to you. Listen and affirm. He will probably say some very scary things. Be prepared to talk about a D, finances, the kids, living arrangments, everything! Try to prepare for the discussion by imagining the conversation and the different avenues that it can take. This kind of thing takes nerves of steel! Don't break down, don't cry, and don't get over-emotional: you can do this!

You are not giving up on your marriage; banish that thought from your mind. Instead, what you are doing is a very crafty, clever technique to attract your H back to you! It 'feels' counter-intuitive, I know, but it really does work! Pull back and detach (not give up or surrender) and let time work for you. As you work on yourself and your kids, your H is going to start having doubts, and those doubts will build up as he sees you going about your life and making things better for yourself! You will look better and feel better, and in return, your H will start pursuing you. That is the essence of DB'ing.

You are in a hard place right now, no doubt about it. You have your own determination, the love and support of your family, and this rag-tag community of well-wishers in your corner. You can do this!