First of all, I provided some information on women and WAS because I know that men are good at problem solving. I was hoping that giving you information about where your W might be at would allow you to use your strengths to come up with solutions. Being a woman I am not so good at solutions. Pretend you are helping out your best friend and what would you tell him or her. Or if you like, consider how it would look or what advice you would give one of your children if they were in this situation. If you are good at this at work, then we have to get your emotions out of the way so you can think.
Having said that, if you want to know what the R with OM is about for her, ask - stay detached and listen to what she says his gives her. Learn what she wants. You may be giving it to her and she is blinded by other emotions, then you can find another way to show her.
If you ask her about the OM and she tell the truth. Then she will want to know what you think, be prepared to tell her. If she doesnt' tell the truth, let it go, and accept that she can't be trusted right now. Let's be honest here.
Next, if you want to be friends, it takes honesty, respect and commonalities. How can you show these to her? What can you ask from her in return. Don't be shy about asking for what you want - she needs something to respond to.
When you say that you want better communication - what are you asking for?
Traps to avoid? Don't take all the blame, don't do all the work, don't think this is all about you. Don't be afraid to do some asking, keep it easy and small and something she can't refuse.
By the way, I think things are better than you think, if she is going to the sessions, she's still trying.
I hear you bouncing off the walls emotionally, it is understandable, hope venting here helps. Know you are not alone doing this, we are all trying to do the same thing.
