I know that was entirely wrong. Ok.. So I know all of you veterans are going to think I'm a weak and stupid person walking into that and breaking down already to call him. I will say my only defense(if there is one!) is that I have an extrememly vivid imagination and it took all my efforts last night and early this morning NOT to drive by the OW house to see if his car was there. But I didn't drive by. I tried calming myself and my imagination. I know I should assume he is continuing the A, but in a way that lets my imagination run wilder. Anyway. I'm starting the "no contact" again. I've been reading "Not Just Friends" and I certainly am going through much of what a betrayed spouse goes through-the post traumatic/hyperaroused/suspicious state of mind. It seems hard to get past b/c there is no communication and the A is most likely continuing. I will keep trying.
KJ, I think it's great with all reading you're doing. I think change starts gradually internally, before there can be a commitment to behavioral changes. On the surface, it looks like you're stuck, but I don't think so. You're in the early stages of change, somewhere between contemplating about what you might have to do, and preparing to make a commitment to make the changes needed.
You're making initial tentative steps at DBing. You're on the right track.
You're aware of the mistakes you're making, and that is progress in and of itself. I consider your self-restraint from driving by to check on him a significant step.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
