Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[25yearsmlc]

If you keep focusing on the affair & wondering if it is continuing (Believe me, he would happily tell you if he had ended it don't you think?? Don't force him to lie to you under the guise of being "honest friends....") Leave it alone, leave HIM alone, NO more R talk...get out the book again or run upstairs 40 times or do something but do NOT CALL HIM or bring this stuff up again....try to make it a week...A WEEK!! I'm telling you that you will wear yourself out and make it worse for the kids. How so?

b/c this focusing on him and the A and cycling back to it over and over, WILL CONSUME YOU with worry, sick feelings, and eventually ANGER & GRIEF and that is hell on earth.

AND You will basically be deserting your kids. They already lost their stepdad, for now at least. Have you already noticed that you are pre-occupied around them? Been there, done that. Have you noticed that they noticed it? Don't desert them now when they need YOU the most. Be there for them, be IN the MOMENT and not in the future or in OW"s house or your head all the time. Just stop it. You have to.

(( j ))

PS don't explain to them that he's confused or ask them to pray for him UNLESS they say something to you. Don't make excuses....besides, they'll come to you when they feel they can, IF they want to. What you say to them in meaningless compared to how you act. They need reassurance from you that you are never leaving them, they are safe, they do not have to move or leaves their school or friends and their lives will go on and they will likely see him around....when the dust settles....Do NOT stress the changes in YOUR life but the stability in THEIRS.....Be strong for them and be strong for yourself. BUT BE STRONG....frankly, your h probably needs that from you too. (But this is NOT about h~!!!!)