Confessions from a former cheater...

[MrBond]

Thanks for the insight DQ. I totally agree with you with every point mentioned. In fact, I wouldn't still be in this R if I didn't see any forward progress in our R. If you were to ask me 4 months ago if we could be where we are now, I would say no way.

So that part of me still has some hope, although I'm detached enough that if I came home and she wasn't there, I'd be fine. In fact, several times as recently as a week and a half ago, I told her point blank that while I do love her, I don't NEED her and she was more than welcome to walk out the door with no regrets. I forgave her for what she did and that's that.

In the same conversation about a week ago, I told her everything that I thought was wrong in our past relationship and what she's doing wrong now. I carefully watched her body language and when I hit a point that she disagreed with, I switched it in a way that seemed to make sense to her. All the while she actually sat there and listened when in the past, she would have walked out the door and driven off. Afterwards, she thanked me for talking to her.

And that's what gives me a sliver of hope. In the past two R conversations that she started a little of and I pushed, she actually thanked me for talking to her and she had put a few changes in place. This was the first "thank you" for anything in over a year. And she actually sat and listened rather than just stewing like a punished child.

Sorry should have mentioned this earlier.

That's why I was wondering if it was time for me to push the next level and address her intimacy issue. I seriously doubt she even realizes she's doing it. In our conversations, she admitted that she didn't remember have the history re-writing she was doing.

So like your sitch where you said you wish your H would have done something shake you and make you realize what you were doing, I was wondering if I should do the same.

I can't make her fall in love with me. But if I make her aware of the blocks that she's putting up, maybe I can have her lower them enough to get in. I feel the trust thing has always been an issue with her and I've been re-establishing the trust with her a little at a time. 4 months ago she actually told me she was afraid to be in the same room with me and would call the cops. Now we sit on the bed talking. Crazy times indeed.

So with that I do have hope, but I don't know if I should wait another couple of weeks to address the intimacy thing or just push ahead and tell her the issue head on. I am detached and confident so I really feel like I have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Maybe you could say what were some specific things you wanted your ex-H or even current one to do?