Awesome feedback. I need the 2x4 sometimes. We talked a lot today, and I have a new wrinkle. As far as the cottage goes, I am going to go up to open it ahead of her trip, she will go with the kids, and then I will stay back to work. The second half of the week, I will do something fun with the kids. I think it will be fine and do not want to give off any "needy" vibes.
Our new wrinkle: We talked last night about how we could try to keep things OK for the kids as we go thru our D. She wants to try to agree on as much as possible first. She told me today that she did file last week (6 weeks after bomb, is she quick or what!!). I told her that I met with a financial planner who specializes in divorce and we ran the numbers several different ways, and it is not looking good (all true). She says that she doesn't want to drag this out and that she thinks I am going to nit pick every detail to delay (partially true). I told her that I wanted to be as fair as possible, but due to finances, it is going to take a while. Also, since you filed, we now have to have the attorneys involved in our negotiations, something I tolds her we could avoid if she only gives us a few months to stabalize before filing. That was my way of letting her know that we were in for a long haul that could have been avoided. She says she needs out today and can't live in limbo anymore. We got to a place where we were being good to each other and we had a few discussions that were heart felt. I do want to drag out any split, true DBing, but don't want her to see me as the obstacle, more just the finances (patially true). She started making concessions to me I think in an effort to speed up our "agreeing". She took the kids for dinner, which was nice and they will have fun. I didn't even offer to go (distance and space). So she called me a short time ago and asked if she could go in to work tonight, she had taken it off, and that she just needed to get away for a while. I had suggested earlier that she get together with her girlfriend, since she wouldn't normally be home, and she said no. I told her it would be fine, I would handle the kids, and that it would be a good break for her. She seemed happy and said thanks. She rarely rings my phone these days, so it was nice she called.
So the question: How to drag my feet without appearing to be the problem How to delay as much as possible My sick feeling in my stomach that she may try to see her OM Wanting to be a good dad, but knowing in my heart that not even going to counceling, and trying to end it asap can't be in the kids best interest Knowing that I have such a handle on why she had discontent and that we could fix the 5 things on her list of why we are where we are in about a week And anything else I can think of to torture myself!
