The opposite of love is indifference. I see glimpses of that, in between the normalcy and anger... Not sure if that's good or not.
The "words" he spews about suicide are disturbing. I will say, though, he's always been a "word" thrower, with little follow through. Sure would suck that this is the time he's NOT! I can't even imagine how I'd get him to a therapist. He won't give me five words on the state of his being, let alone discuss his need to talk to someone about clinical depression.
My friend gave me an idea though (and she doesn't even know what's going on). She was telling me about "The Secret" and the power of positive thinking, law of attraction, etc... I thought it sounded like a crock (I even motioned to my other friend - jokingly - like I was smoking a joint, while she was explaining it!), until she gave me examples of how it's helping her (and she's a devout Christian...). I just liked the positive message about it. Open to suggestions... I may get it on tape, put it in his car on Sunday night (when the kids and I leave for four days to go with my best friend to their condo on lake), and not say a word. I really want him to be ok mostly for him, but just as much for my kids (my boys are still young...). Right now, this has very little to do with me. I just want him happy.
I have seen one therapist once who almost made me hurl.
I will keep a close eye on things, as I really think he's just a yeller when he's mad, looking for the thing that would have the most affect on me. I don't think he'd do anything just prior to D17's graduation (he adores her, she's his StepD since she was 3) and he's helping her plan a huge party here w/tons of friends, on our boat boathouse and yard; and S12's 6th grade graduation.
Pray for us.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
