Well I certainly created an interesting discussion on confronting OPs. But on to business.
Today's Merry Misadventures. Someone please help me make sense of them.
W calls. Did I still want to have a talk?
On advice of DB Coach (tho didn't say that of course), SP: No. Instead I thought we might just go out someplace, do something trivial, and just try to remember/re-learn what it's like to enjoy being in each other's company. Really, what else is there to say? It's been talked to death. You know my position, I know yours. Let's at least get along before you move out.
W: Okay, fine.
SP: Good. Well I'll sort things out, get a sitter, and so forth. We'll just walk around the botanical garden or something.
W: (Laughing) Is this some kind of trick to get me off the beaten path so you can strangle me?
SP: (Laughing) Nahhh, I'd never kill a woman. It wouldn't be chivalrous.
W: (Seriously) But you'd kill a man? (Beat)
(You know that old silent-film footage of the Model T that goes crashing into a brick wall? Or the guy who catches a cannon-ball in his belly? That's me right now.)
W: I'm going to move out to the corporate apartments as soon as I can. I'm scared to be around you.
SP: Wha? Huh? Wha-happant?
W: Clearly you're obsessed with the idea that there's someone else, and now you're threatening to kill him.
SP: Hammanahammanahammana -- am I living in Crazy Town? Is this Planet Bizarro?
And then it's off to the races! Why would I think she's having an affair and don't I know she's going to be alone for a long long time and she doesn't want any more relationships and while I'm dating on Friday nights she'll be home watching teevee and eating ice cream and it's so insulting that I think she'd do that and how could I insult her if I supposedly love her.............and it concludes with that Top 40 Favorite "We Can Never Be Friends, I Guess This Is Just What It's Going To Be Like, And I'm So Insulted That You Think Such Things Of Me And By The Way We Can Never Discuss Our Relationship Again."
Eeeeyaagh! What did I do? I said nothing! I riffed off what she said as a joke!
If life was a Tex Avery cartoon, I'd be doing that Aah-ooga thing and my eyes would be bugging out four feet while my jaw crashed to the floor and my teeth shattered.
