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What cheeseless tunnels do you keep going down?
Spying! Looking thru my H's mail! Calling so I can catch him NOT at home! Asking where he's been all the time!

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What things do you keep doing that aren't producing positive results for you, but you keep doing them anyway, just because you KNOW that you're right?
Grilling my h on his whereabouts! Trying to 'force' my opinion on how to work on our M down my h's throat....not even bothering to ask what he wants to do or what he needs. Pushing for answers according to my timetable!

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What things might you be doing to try to fix the problem, that may just be making things worse?
Not noticing the little changes my h is making because I'm too busy seeing how his changes aren't specifically what I asked for!!! Not showing appreciation for what he has done to change! Expecting him to be like me. Assuming and assuming some more because I KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING and THINKING!!!

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What are some of the things that you are doing that may seem perfectly "logical" to do, but aren't producing "effective" results?
What seems logical, is to expect him to make all the changes since he's so wrong and I've done so much changing ; this way of thinking has proven uneffective because 1. my/our more of the same behaviors have not been recognized and dealt with so they continue to happen, 2. not being specific about what I want, being too general (weekly dates but who sets up, a certain night, is this for us, or should we have kids there, etc?)

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What are some of your "more of the same" behaviors?
Assuming the reasons for his behaviors, reacting to his remarks in anger instead of taking time to think about what I'm going to say, being too open about what I'm doing, calling him all the time, interrupting him when he's talking, finishing his sentences, not validating his concerns.