Wow, a year sounds like a really long time! I have said before I have a serious lack of patience. I'll have to take things one day at a time, but I don't see myself slogging through this for more than 4-6 months if I don't see serious progress.
Pearl, I don't know squat about saving a marriage (check out my thread) - but a year isn't squat. I feel like my situation has only been a few months until I count the months up and realize holy smokes it's been 6 months? I'm half way to my divorce. Wow. You're right you have to assess the situation as you go to make sure you are on the right track: make a change, take your feedback, adjust your plan......continues on and on. When you change a process in order to make it better you have to give it time for the changes to have the desired effect. Your 4-6 months is going to fly by if you guys are working to make it better. I would think a year is going to go before the bad moves to a place in your mind that you don't have to force it away. But others that have reconciled can give you a better idea.
Originally Posted By: pearlharbr
And that's exactly my sticking point. I don't feel at all secure that he won't hurt me again.
This is going to take time but you should have some sort of idea if you are being honest with yourself. You request to quit bowling league will start to build on this
Originally Posted By: pearlharbr
And right now I can't see his good qualities outweighing the bad. The only thing I see working for us is the shared history. Is that enough? I'm not sure.
Like I said my marrage is in the toilet but this one should make you think. I don't want to talk you out of anything but you should re-read what you wrote here. Shared history is a great tool for a realtionship. Sharing memories will bring people closer but is there anything in your house that has more bad benefits that good. Those are called liabilites and people normally get rid of them. Perhaps you are mad, hurt or haven't made a list to really reflect on this. Perhaps the bad qualities are things he did in the past that won't be repeated? But if you have really given this thought and it is true you should take time to think about it. Sorry, just trying to be a friend.
- but a year isn't squat. I feel like my situation has only been a few months until I count the months up and realize holy smokes it's been 6 months? I'm half way to my divorce. Wow. You're right you have to assess the situation as you go to make sure you are on the right track: make a change, take your feedback, adjust your plan......continues on and on. When you change a process in order to make it better you have to give it time for the changes to have the desired effect. Your 4-6 months is going to fly by if you guys are working to make it better. I would think a year is going to go before the bad moves to a place in your mind that you don't have to force it away. But others that have reconciled can give you a better idea.